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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22521466">Roads We Could Have Walked - Season Three</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riley_Sivertsen/pseuds/Riley_Sivertsen'>Riley_Sivertsen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Roads We Could Have Walked - BBC Merlin Re-imagining [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Canon Compliant, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Gwen and Arthur Are Best Bros, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious Merlin (Merlin), They all deserve better</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:15:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,256</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22521466</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riley_Sivertsen/pseuds/Riley_Sivertsen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is one fan's re-imagining of BBC Merlin.</p><p>Every season and most episodes re-told in the hopes of giving every character and story-line the story they deserved - or at least a story slightly different from what they got.</p><p>I am putting a lot of faith in my fellow fans here, since I only included the scenes I, well, wanted to!</p><p>For season 3, I will upload one new episode every day :)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merthur</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Roads We Could Have Walked - BBC Merlin Re-imagining [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1603612</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>289</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. S3E1 - The Tears of Uther Pendragon: Part One & Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>**** Much of this content is taken directly from the original script of BBC Merlin ****<br/>This is my re-telling of BBC Merlin the way I wish it would have gone, going through most of the episodes in the whole series. The way I did that was by taking transcripts from each episode and go through and alter, add and remove according to my own preference.<br/>I do not claim to have written any of the original content! This is a fan re-interpretation of the original show as it was aired. I love this show with all my heart and just want to share my dream version of it with the rest of the fandom &lt;3</p><p>I love this fandom so much, you have all brought me so much joy &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is a re-imagining of certain chosen scenes from episodes 1 and 2, series 3 of BBC Merlin - The Tears of Uther Pendragon: Part One &amp; Two.</p><p>Morgana returns, Arthur has feelings and Merlin tries his best.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            “<em>Ow</em>.”</p><p>            “Is there something wrong with you?” Arthur asked, in a voice that indicated he didn’t really care even if there was.</p><p>            “I’ve been on a horse all day,” Merlin replied anyway.</p><p>            “Is your little bottom sore?” Arthur teased, and Merlin nearly fell off his horse, grateful Arthur was riding in front of him and couldn’t see him blush. He gathered himself quickly enough to be proud of it.</p><p>            “Yes,” he said. “It’s not as fat as yours.”</p><p>            “You’ve got a lot of nerve for a wimp.”</p><p>            “I may be a wimp, but at least I’m not a dollophead.”</p><p>            Arthur huffed. “There’s no such word.”</p><p>            “It’s idiomatic.”</p><p>            “It’s what?”</p><p>            “You need to be more in touch with the people,” Merlin explained.</p><p>            He somehow felt Arthur’s glare, even though he was riding in front of him. “Describe <em>dollop head.</em>”</p><p>            “In two words?” Merlin asked, delighted.</p><p>            “Yeah.”</p><p>            “Prince. Arthur.”</p><p>            Despite the tragic reasons they were out here, Merlin couldn’t deny that he found these rides through the woods between various horrible situations quite enjoyable. Competing with Arthur over who could be the biggest prat was one of his favourite pastimes.</p><p>*</p><p>            “Did you talk to her?” Merlin asked the moment Gaius entered their chambers.</p><p>            “She’s sleeping,” he said.</p><p>            “Did she say something about me?”</p><p>            “Nothing as yet.”</p><p>            “Well, she’s going to!” Merlin was beyond controlling his panic.</p><p>            “Does she know your secret, Merlin?” Gaius asked. “Does she know you have magic?”</p><p>            <em>Not anymore. </em>“No, she doesn’t, no one does.”</p><p>            “Good, because if Uther finds out…”</p><p>            “She knows I tried to poison her, Gaius, she knows that!” Merlin exclaimed.</p><p>            “You had no choice.” Gaius sounded much too calm for Merlin. “Camelot was dying. Morgana was the source of the enchantment. Either you poisoned her or the kingdom fell.”</p><p>            “Uther won’t know that!” Merlin said. “All she’ll say is I tried to kill her!”</p><p>            “We can’t be sure, Merlin.”</p><p>            “What do you think Uther will do to me?” A heavy silence settled over them both. Merlin knew Gaius was only attempting to appear calm. He could feel now that Gaius was as petrified as Merlin.</p><p>            “Let’s just wait and see what tomorrow brings.”</p><p>*</p><p>            Merlin stood straight as a post, afraid to even move as Arthur listened to Morgana’s tale of horror. When they embraced and Arthur told her goodbye, he was just about to think he would get out clear, when Morgana spoke up.</p><p>            “Merlin, I want to speak with you.”</p><p>            Arthur glanced between them as if considering if this was entirely appropriate, but seemed to decide it was alright. He left the room, and Merlin was alone, facing Morgana. Merlin found himself trembling, and clenched his hands together.</p><p>            “I know what you did,” Morgana said. “You tried to poison me.”</p><p>            “I didn’t want to,” he said quickly, hoping she knew he meant it.</p><p>            She looked at him for a moment before she smiled. “It’s alright, Merlin, I understand.” Merlin’s heart started beating again. “You were just trying to protect your friends.”</p><p>            “You are my friend, too.”</p><p>            “I know that. It was an impossible situation. I would have done the same.”</p><p>            “Really?”</p><p>            “I was so naïve, Merlin,” Morgana said. “I don’t think I really understood what I was doing. But, believe me, I have seen the evils in this world.” Her eyes darkened. “I have seen firsthand what it is that Uther fights against. You don’t know how much I regret everything that I’ve done. I just… hope that you can forgive me.”</p><p>            “You’re asking me to forgive <em>you</em>?” Merlin asked, incredulous. “I tried to kill you. I hated to do it, I didn’t want to, but I did. I am the one who needs forgiveness.”</p><p>            Morgana smiled. “I suppose we will both have to forgive each other. How does that sound?”</p><p>            Merlin returned her smile. “That sounds good. I am so sorry for everything you’ve been through. It’s good to have you back.”</p><p>            Merlin left Morgan’s chambers, feeling better but at the same time wondering… Could he believe her words and apologies? Or had she simply gotten better at lying?</p><p>*</p><p>            “Where is that half-wit?” Arthur shouted, knowing he was being rude but too frustrated to care, as he stormed into the physician’s chambers.</p><p>            “Merlin?” Gaius asked, as if he could possibly mean anyone else.</p><p>            “I’ve got no socks, no breeches, and an archery session to get to. Merlin!” he shouted towards the door to his bedroom.</p><p>            “I thought he was with you, Sire,” Gaius said. Instant warning bells went off in the back of Arthur’s head.</p><p>            “Don’t try and cover for him.”</p><p>            “He didn’t come home last night,” Gaius said. “I can’t find him."</p><p>            That could not be good. Merlin had seemed in a strange up-and-down mood ever since they found Morgana. What on earth was he up to?</p><p>            “Well, when you do,” he said, hoping to keep Gaius from noting his concern, “you can tell him he’s the target.”</p><p>*</p><p>            He was both furious and relieved when Merlin yanked open his curtains the next day and looked around the room like he was standing on a battlefield.</p><p>            “What happened?!” he exclaimed at his messy surroundings.</p><p>            “What happened?” Arthur repeated. “I’ve had to make do without a servant, that’s what happened!” Even as he shouted, he was breathing more easily, seeing Merlin alive and well.</p><p>            “I wasn’t gone for that long.”</p><p>            “Without my permission.”</p><p>            “What if I was dying?”</p><p>            “I wouldn’t be complaining! But you’re not.” <em>Thank gods you’re not. </em>“So where’ve you been?”</p><p>            “I <em>was </em>dying.”</p><p>            Arthur’s heart nearly gave out, because with everything he knew about Merlin, it was quite likely that it was true – he also knew that he wasn’t supposed to believe him, or push him on that comment. He had to be the oblivious prince again.</p><p>            “I don’t have time for this,” he said. “The future of the kingdom rests upon my shoulders. Do you have any idea what that feels like?” Even though it was intentional, saying those oblivious words bothered him.</p><p>            “Well…”</p><p>            “Merlin. I should have you thrown in the dungeons.” To keep you from getting yourself into trouble, if nothing else. “So, what’ve you got to say to yourself?”</p><p>            “You’ve not had your breakfast this morning, have you?” Merlin asked. “You’re always very unreasonable before breakfast.”</p><p>            “I’ll have you for breakfast!” Arthur grabbed the first lose object within reach and threw it towards Merlin.</p><p>            “Oh, no wonder this place is such a mess!” Merlin exclaimed. Arthur threw another object, and repeated the process as Merlin fled to the door.</p><p>            “Oh, yes, I can see you’ve got all the makings of a <em>great </em>king,” Merlin snarked just as he ducked out of the room, escaping Arthur’s wrath and causing Arthur to laugh despite himself as soon as he was alone.</p><p>*</p><p>            Arthur jumped in an unprincely manner when the door to his chambers opened, but relaxed when he turned and saw Gwen enter.</p><p>            “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”</p><p>            “No, come in, please.” Arthur could use Gwen’s steady presence at the moment.</p><p>            “How is your father?”</p><p>            “I could do with him here.” He loathed his father for so many things, for all the mistakes he had made, but in most aspects he was a strong leader, and Arthur was feeling anything but at the moment.</p><p>            “You should have more faith in yourself.”</p><p>            “What are the people saying?” Arthur asked.</p><p>            “They are glad that you have taken charge." Normally, when she said things that Merlin had already told him, Arthur was more likely to believe Gwen. He knew her faith in him wasn’t as blind as Merlin’s. This time, though, he still doubted.</p><p>            “I’ve committed them to a siege. There’s going to be casualties, Gwen.”</p><p>            His friend came closer and put her reassuring hand on his arm. “We trust you, Arthur. Your people trust you, more than Uther. Worry is not a wise council. Forget everything else. You have to follow what you believe is right.”</p><p>            Arthur smiled. “It is sometimes easy to forget that you are not, in fact, a monarch with years of experience running a kingdom. You seem to know so much more about it than I do.”</p><p>            Gwen elbowed Arthur’s arm, but smiled. “Just have faith in yourself, with you? No need to be defensive about it.”</p><p>*</p><p>            “It’s not like you to get nervous, is it, Merlin?” Arthur commented after Merlin fumbled a bit with his armour, pulling too tight and whispering an apology.</p><p>            “I’m not nervous.”</p><p>            “No?”</p><p>            “Because I trust in your destiny,” Merlin said, doing one of those sudden turns where he went from the Merlin he presented to the world to the special Merlin that he only revealed to a few people, in rare moments.</p><p>            “Have you been in the cider?” Arthur asked to mask the fluttering in his stomach.</p><p>            “It is your fate to be the greatest king Camelot has ever known.” All Arthur could do was stare at Merlin, because these moments were so rare for him to witness anymore and all he could do was drink it in. “Your victory today will be remembered. By every age, ‘til the end of time.” Merlin’s eyes met his. “Just trust in yourself.”</p><p>            Arthur’s heart fought a battle against his mind. His mind told him to maintain his distance, to be mocking and dismissive, because it was what he was supposed to do. His heart wanted to pull Merlin into his arms and kiss him.</p><p>            When he found his voice, the battle had ended in a truce and he found a middle ground. “There are times, Merlin, when you display a sort of… I don’t know what it is. I don’t want to say… It’s not wisdom.” He hesitated, unable to look away from Merlin’s eyes and unable to deny the love that was in his heart. “But yes. That’s what it is.”</p><p>            Merlin smiled, and the desire to kiss him threatened to overwhelm all of Arthur’s better senses.</p><p>            “Don’t look so pleased,” he added quickly. “The rest of the time you’re a complete idiot.”</p><p><em>            But you’re my idiot.</em> <em>And I wouldn’t want you any other way.</em></p><p>*</p><p>            Merlin stared into nothing for a long time, thinking of the words he had exchanged with Morgana, of the sharp cruelty that had marred her smile that used to be filled with kindness. He thought of the look they exchanged in the throne room as Uther proclaimed her Camelot’s saviour.</p><p>            “Why is Uther so blind to her nature?” Merlin asked Gaius back in their chambers.</p><p>            “I don’t know, Merlin. It’s a mystery. But Morgana will try again.”</p><p>            “I’ll be ready for her.” <em>Next time</em>. This whole situation was his fault. If he hadn’t been so scared and used the Forgetting spell on Morgana, perhaps none of this ever would have happened.</p><p>            “Merlin, you must be careful.”</p><p>            “I’m not afraid of her, Gaius.”</p><p>            “You should be.”</p><p>            “No,” Merlin shook his head. “All I feel for her is… sad. She’s become so bitter, so full of hate.” <em>All of which I might have prevented.</em></p><p>“Don’t let that happen to you, Merlin.”</p><p>            “Nothing could ever make me that angry,” he assured him, just as the door burst open and Arthur marched into the room.</p><p>            “Merlin! Get your lazy backside out here.”</p><p>            With that, he marched back out of the room, leaving the door hanging open for Merlin to follow. Merlin glanced back at Gaius.</p><p>            “On second thought…”</p><p>*</p><p>            Merlin bustled about Arthur’s chambers, finishing his tasks for the evening. Arthur sat at the table, goblet of wine in his hand, and stared. He thought about the moment before battle, when Merlin had spoken with all the wisdom he usually kept hidden, and the smile that Arthur never got to see anymore, not since he erected this wall between them. He knew why the wall was necessary, he knew that keeping Merlin safe and alive was the most important thing, but that moment… It reminded Arthur sharply of why Merlin meant so much to him, and Arthur grieved the rarity of those moments.</p><p>            “What are you staring at?” Merlin asked. Arthur hadn’t even been aware that he had been staring. Merlin hurriedly wiped his cloth over the piece of armour he had been cleaning. “Did I miss a spot?”</p><p>            "No,” Arthur said quickly. “No, it’s nothing, I wasn’t staring.”</p><p>            Merlin looked back up at him. “Is something the matter, Sire?”</p><p>            There shouldn’t be, should there? Camelot had just won a major victory. Today was meant to be a day of celebration. As the Crown Prince, all Arthur should care about was that his people were once again safe.</p><p>            And yet.</p><p>            “Merlin,” Arthur said, and for once he didn’t try and stop himself. “You handled yourself well the past few days. You have been a true friend, and I want you to know that I appreciate it.”</p><p>            “How strong is that wine?” Merlin mocked, but his grin faded quickly. “Are you sure you’re alright?”</p><p>            “Yes. I've just been given a lot to think about lately, and I find myself cataloguing the things that are important in my life. Such as…loyal friends. People I care about.”</p><p>            Merlin’s concerned expression darkened slightly before he looked away, staring at the armour. Arthur wanted to throttle him because he knew that look all too well by now. The clotpole thought Arthur was talking about <em>Gwen</em> again, didn’t he?</p><p>            How someone as wise as Merlin could also be so blind and stupid, Arthur would never understand.</p><p>            “You will always have the loyalty of your people.” Merlin continued to polishing the armour. “I cannot speak for all your subjects, but I know I will always stand by you no matter what.”</p><p>            Arthur swallowed, knowing that all the things he wanted to say in response had to be kept inside. Since he couldn’t say any of the things he wanted, he allowed the silence to settle over them again. But he couldn’t stop himself from staring.  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments brings air to my lungs and joy to my heart, but thanks for reading even if you don't leave those! ♥️</p><p>You can come shriek at me about multiple fandoms on tumblr @raincs and I hope you're being kind and taking care of yourself in these hard times. Did you take your meds today? 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. S3E4 – Gwaine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is a re-imagining of certain chosen scenes from episode 4, series 3 of BBC Merlin - Gwaine.</p><p>Merlin gets a new friend and he is freaking awesome. Arthur keeps having Feelings. Gwen and Arthur are best bros.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            This time, Merlin couldn’t even pretend that their trouble wasn’t his fault.</p><p>            “I’m gonna make you pay for that,” said the brute in the tavern.</p><p>            “I’d like to see you try,” Merlin chuckled under his breath, and the big oaf whistled and drew an entire horde of brutes into the tavern.</p><p>            “You had to open your big mouth, didn’t you, Merlin?” Arthur said, and Merlin really couldn’t disagree with him.</p><p>            He couldn’t, however, be held responsible for the choices of the handsome man with long hair who sauntered over to join them. “You two have got yourselves in a pickle, haven’t you?” he commented, like he saw this kind of thing every day.</p><p>            “You should get out of here while you still have the chance,” Arthur warned the stranger.</p><p>            The man nodded. “You’re probably right.”</p><p>            He took a swig from his drink, handed the empty mug to the Leading Brute, and punched the man in the face.</p><p>            Merlin did <em>not </em>claim full ownership over the ensuing brawl. Arthur turned out to be as graceful and impressive in a bar brawl as he was on the battlefield, though Merlin helped out with a muttered spell now and then and tried to otherwise provide back-up by throwing ceramics at their adversaries.</p><p>            “Pass the jug, heh?” their strange helper asked after he knocked down a man by the counter. Merlin passed the jug as instructed, the man took a swig and punched an attacker coming at him from behind.</p><p>            “What do they call you, then?” </p><p>            “Merlin,” he told the man, though now was hardly the time.</p><p>            “Gwaine,” the man said pleasantly. “Pleasure to meet you.” He spun and smashed the jug over another man’s head. “Such a waste.”</p><p>            With Gwaine’s seemingly relaxed attitude to mortal danger, Merlin wasn’t surprised when the fight ended and Gwaine pulled out a knife from his thigh, collapsing from  instant blood loss.</p><p>            “How is he?” Arthur asked.</p><p>            Merlin was already on the floor, examining and covering the wound. “Not good. He’s losing a lot of blood.”</p><p>            Honestly, the fact that the man wasn’t dead already seemed a miracle in its own right.</p><p>*</p><p>            “What am I doing in this bed?” Gwaine asked when Merlin came in with a breakfast tray. The man looked confused, but at least he was coherent.</p><p>            “You were wounded,” Merlin explained. “Arthur wanted to make sure you were treated by his physician.”</p><p>            “Arthur?”</p><p>            “Prince Arthur. You saved his life.”</p><p>            Gwaine’s expression fell. “If I’d known who he was, I probably wouldn’t have. He’s a noble.”</p><p>            Not an attitude Merlin couldn’t sympathise with. “Yeah, but he’s a good man.”</p><p>            Gwaine snorted. “If you say so.”</p><p>            “You’re a hero,” Merlin said, trying to cheer him up. “The King wants to thank you in person.”</p><p>            “Please, no.” Gwaine was decidedly not cheered up. “I’ve met a few kings. Once you’ve met one, you’ve met them all.”</p><p>            “He’ll probably give you a reward.”</p><p>            “I’m not interested,” Gwaine replied. Merlin found he was reminded of Will. “Besides, I’ve got everything I need right here.” Gwaine tapped on his bag.</p><p>            “Why did you help us?” Merlin asked curiously.</p><p>            Gwaine shrugged. “Your chances looked between slim and none. I, er...I guess I just liked the look of those odds.”</p><p>            Merlin raised his eyebrows in surprise, then he burst out laughing.</p><p>*</p><p>           Merlin had been in a very good mood after spending some time with Gwaine that morning, but that all vanished as soon as Arthur reminded him of the mêlée.</p><p>           “Oh yeah,” he said grumpily. “The tournament where the knights ride around hitting each other with blunt weapons for no good reason.”</p><p>           “A little more to it than that,” Arthur said, and Merlin could tell he was pretending not to be offended.</p><p>           “Really? All I’ve ever seen is people getting the seven bells knocked out of them so that the last man standing can be called the winner.”</p><p>           “The mêlée is the ultimate test of strength and courage.”</p><p>           “Are you sure we’re talking about the same thing?”</p><p>           “Well, I wouldn’t expect you to understand,” Arthur said defensively. “You’re not a knight.”</p><p>           “Oh, well, if it means I don’t get clobbered ‘round the head, I’m glad of it.”</p><p>           “I’m afraid it doesn’t.” Arthur threw a cup against the back of Merlin’s head. After Merlin’s shout of pain, Arthur nodded towards his armour on the table. “I need that lot cleaned by noon.”</p><p>           “Oh,” Merlin said, trying to hide his disappointment. “I was hoping to give Gwaine a tour of the town.”</p><p>            Arthur hesitated, doing a strange thing with his jaw that Merlin hadn’t seen before. “Then I suggest you work quickly.”</p><p>*</p><p>            Merlin <em>had </em>worked quickly, and managed to sneak away for a bit to give Gwaine the promised tour. They were walking in the lower town when Merlin saw Gwen walking towards them, and Gwaine, spotting her, snatched a flower from the basket of passerby.</p><p>            Once they reached Gwen, Merlin didn’t even have time to introduce them before Gwaine bowed his head and held out the flower.</p><p>            “I believe this belongs to you,” he said gallantly.</p><p>            Gwen shot Merlin a look of amusement, but he just shrugged at her. “I don’t think so,” Gwen replied kindly. “It’s not my colour.”</p><p>            “Ah.” Gwaine straightened once more. “Well, let’s see.” He put the flower in Gwen’s hair, and Merlin could tell she was working very hard not to laugh at him.</p><p>            “I bet you’ve got a whole bunch of those to hand out.”</p><p>            “No, yours is the only one,” Gwaine declared, and Merlin coughed to cover his own laugh. “I’m Gwaine.” He held out his hand, and Gwen shook it while making eyes at Merlin, begging him to intervene. He happily obliged.</p><p>            “If you’d held off embarrassing yourself for a moment,” Merlin said, “I would have already introduced you to my friend. Gwen. Gwen, this is Gwaine. He’s…new.”</p><p>            “Merlin!” Gwaine exclaimed. “You know this princess?”</p><p>            “Unfortunately I’m not a princess.”</p><p>            “Ah, but you see…you are to me.”</p><p>            Gwen and Merlin exchanged another look, and they both burst out laughing, so loud that they attracted the attention of people around them. Even Gwaine joined in.</p><p>            “This isn’t working, is it?”</p><p>            “No, not at all,” Gwen laughed. “But I like that you tried, and that you know when to give up.” She removed the flowers from her hair and held it out to Gwaine. “You’d better have this, in case someone else takes your fancy.”</p><p>            Gwaine grinned, then turned to Merlin with a raised eyebrow and flirtatious smirk. “How about you, pretty boy? Will you accept a poor fool’s flower?"</p><p>            Merlin spluttered and Gwen looked like she was about to die from joy as she laughed and plucked the flower back from Gwaine. “I’m afraid you’re wasting your time even more with this one than you were with me. Merlin’s heart is already stolen, too.”</p><p>            With a grin that was much more smug than Merlin was comfortable with, Gwen walked away with the flower in her hair, and Gwaine laughed and delighted in whatever expression that interaction had left on Merlin’s face.</p><p>*</p><p>            Manoeuvring an inebriated Gwaine through the streets, the palace halls and into his room was more exercise than Merlin had gotten in all his years as target practice.</p><p>            “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had,” Gwaine slurred.</p><p>            “You seem to have quite a few,” Merlin said, causing them both to laugh.</p><p>            “I’d love to see Arthur’s face when he gets the bill.”</p><p>            “Right.” Merlin was less excited about that face. “What is it with you and nobles?”</p><p>            “Oh, nothing.” Gwaine waved his hand in the air. “My father was a knight in Carleon’s army. He died in battle, leaving my mother penniless. And when she went to the King for help, he turned her away.”</p><p>            “You didn’t know your father?”</p><p>            “Just some stories I’ve been told.”</p><p>            “Yeah, I know how that feels,” Merlin confessed. “I met my father just briefly before he died.”</p><p>            “Why?”</p><p>            “He was banished.”</p><p>            “What had he done?” Gwaine asked with no judgment in his voice.</p><p>            “Nothing.” Merlin swallowed against the emotion. “He served the King.”</p><p>            “But the King turned against him?” Gwaine guessed. “That doesn’t surprise me.”</p><p>            “Arthur’s not like that.”</p><p>            “Hah! Maybe.” Gwaine was starting to sound near sleep. “But none of them are worth dying for, heh?”</p><p>            <em>Of course they are</em>, Merlin thought to himself. <em>One of them, anyway.</em></p><p>*</p><p>            “Arthur is a thoroughbred little braggart,” Gwaine grumbled.</p><p>            “Why?”</p><p>            “For making us do this!”</p><p>            “I think it’s fair.” Merlin scrubbing attentively at the pair of boots in his hands.</p><p>            “For the <em>entire </em>army?” Gwaine asked sceptically.</p><p>            “Honestly, I’m surprised this is all he’s having us do. I’ve rarely seen him so furious, and this is hardly the worst thing I’ve done to offend him.”</p><p>            “Why would he be particularly upset at having to cover my tab?”</p><p>            “I have no idea,” Merlin said. “You know, if you admitted your father was a knight, you wouldn’t have to do this.”</p><p>            “Maybe,” Gwaine acknowledged. “But I’m not making the same mistakes that he did. Anyway, my father always treated his servants well.”</p><p>            “You didn’t know him,” Merlin pointed out, grinning.</p><p>            “Well I’d like to think that he did! What about yours?”     </p><p>            “No, he didn’t have any servants.” Merlin paused. “He didn’t have… well, anyone.”</p><p>            “When did he die?” Gwaine asked, voice milder.</p><p>            “About a year ago. I just wish I had the chance to know him better. So much he could’ve taught me.”</p><p>            “But you did get to meet him". Gwaine bumped his shoulder against Merlin’s.</p><p>            “Yeah,” Merlin agreed.</p><p>            “If there is one thing that I learned from my father’s life,” Gwaine said, “it’s that titles don’t mean anything. It’s what’s inside that counts.”</p><p>            Merlin thought for the second time that Gwaine reminded him of an old friend, this time Lancelot. He couldn’t help but think how different the two men were, yet he felt like they might on, if they ever got the chance.</p><p>*</p><p>            Merlin should have known, even from the brief time he’d known Gwaine, that things would get more interesting and a lot more dangerous, very fast. He could barely believe everything that had happened when he found himself against the wall in the council chambers, listening to Dagr and Ebor disguised as knights, accusing Gwaine of trying to kill them.</p><p>            “He’s a liar!” Gwaine shouted after one of Dagr’s accusations.</p><p>            “I will have your tongue!” Uther’s booming voice shouted back. “How dare you speak to a knight in that way?!”</p><p>            “Nobility is defined by what you do, and not by who you are,” Gwaine spat back in the King’s face. Merlin was proud as well as terrified for Gwaine’s safety. “And these men are anything but. They are arrogant thugs!”</p><p>            “Gwaine,” Arthur said warningly.</p><p>            Dagr and Uther went back and forth, pushing for Gwaine to receive a severe punishment. Finally Arthur stepped in.</p><p>            “Gwaine risked his life to save mine,” he said. “I beg you, please, if a knight’s word is his bond, then I give my word Gwaine is a good man. He deserves clemency.”</p><p>            Merlin couldn’t help but smile. It was one of those moments when Arthur proved to the entire court that he was a better man than his father. Uther still banished Gwaine from Camelot, but at least his life was safe.</p><p>*</p><p>            “I’m sorry,” Merlin said back in his room that night.</p><p>            “Don’t be,” Gwaine replied. “I never stay in one place very long. People get sick of me too quickly.”</p><p>            “I didn’t.”</p><p>            “After all the trouble I’ve caused?”</p><p>            Merlin smiled. “You livened the place up. And that was a brave thing you did back there. Thank you.”</p><p>            “Hell of a lot of good it did me,” Gwaine pointed out.</p><p>            “Arthur’s not like Uther. You saved his life, I’m sure one day he’ll repay you.”</p><p>            “Well, he did try to speak up for me,” Gwaine granted.</p><p>            “Arthur’s fair,” Merlin said. “He’s loyal. He’ll be a great king. I know he will.” Oh, he hadn’t really meant to say all that in that tone of voice, had he?</p><p>            “Clearly,” Gwaine grinmed. “If he makes everyone feel the way you do.”</p><p>            Merlin felt his ears turn red. “It’s not just me who says that.”</p><p>            “I’m sure it isn’t. Make sure you look after him. He’s in danger.”</p><p>            Merlin smiled. “I thought you hated nobles?”</p><p>            “Heh, well… Maybe that one’s worth dying for, eh?” Gwaine’s grin widened. “And at least now I know why Gwen so kindly turned me down on your behalf.”</p><p>            Before Merlin could form a coherent argument, Gwaine had to take his leave.</p><p>*</p><p>            “You know those moments when I tell you something isn’t a good idea?” Merlin asked as he was getting the prince ready.</p><p>            “And then I ignore you,” Arthur said. “Yeah.”</p><p>            “And then I’m proved right?”</p><p>            “Merlin, your concern for my wellbeing is touching.” <em>And endearing</em>.</p><p>            “I’m serious!” Merlin insisted. “I think you should withdraw.”</p><p>            He really did sound serious, Arthur thought. Concerned. “Look, I know you think the mêlée is some kind of…stupid game, but it’s more than that. It’s about proving to the people that I’m fit to lead them.”</p><p>            Merlin was quiet for a while, not meeting his gaze. “I know.” He handed Arthur his dull blade. “Just be careful.”</p><p>*</p><p>            Arthur found Gwaine and Merlin in the corridor after Gwaine had saved his life for the second time.</p><p>            “The King is prepared to overlook the fact that you fought in the mêlée,” he announced.</p><p>            “That’s fantastic!” Merlin exclaimed, but could already see in Arthur’s face that he had celebrated too soon.</p><p>            “Thank you, Arthur,” Gwaine said sincerely.</p><p>            “But… He’s a stubborn man,” Arthur continued. “He will not rescind his judgment. You must leave Camelot.”</p><p>            “Oh, you’ve got to speak to him, Arthur,” Merlin started before he could stop. “Make him change his mind.”</p><p>            “Merlin.” Gwaine put an arm on his shoulder to stop him.</p><p>            “I’m sorry, Gwaine,” Arthur said. “My father’s wrong. If it were up to me…”</p><p>            “I know. You don’t need to explain yourself.”</p><p>            “You have until sunset,” Arthur said ruefully. “Good luck.”</p><p>*</p><p>            Merlin walked with Gwaine out of the physician’s chambers, through the courtyard and through town, sad that he was losing another friend so soon.</p><p>            “Where will you go?” he asked while they walked.</p><p>            “I was thinking Mercia,” Gwaine said.</p><p>            “It’s dangerous.”</p><p>            “Yeah. And you get a lot more ale from your money.” He paused, glancing sideways at Merlin. “I’m joking.”</p><p>            “Why don’t you tell the King who you really are?” Merlin couldn’t help but ask. “He’ll grant you a pardon, you can stay in Camelot!”</p><p>            “I would <em>like </em>to stay,” Gwaine said. “It has been a long time since I’ve had friends like I have here.” He smiled warmly at Merlin. “But I could never serve under a man like Uther.”</p><p>            “Yet you helped Arthur,” Merlin said hopefully.</p><p>            “Well, he stood up for me.”</p><p>            “I knew he would.”</p><p>            Gwaine chuckled. “I know you did. Your all wide-eyed and full of blind trust in your beautiful princess.” The teasing made Merlin blush, but he refused to dignify Gwaine with an answer. “In standing up for me,” Gwaine said, serious once more. “Arthur did show that he is, indeed, a noble man.”</p><p>            “Then why don’t you stay?” Merlin asked one more time. “You could be a knight. Like your father. You and Arthur, you fought well together.”</p><p>            Gwaine smiled. “Then maybe one day we will again.”</p><p>            They kept walking until the edge of the Lower Town, where Merlin knew there was no use in going any further.</p><p>            “I don’t have a lot of friends like you, either,” he said when they embraced in goodbye. “It was an honour meeting you.”</p><p>            “Likewise.” Gwaine released him, and bowed low like Merlin was a lady of the court. It made him laugh. “Until we meet again, pretty boy.”</p><p>*</p><p>            Gwen joined Arthur on the ramparts above the Lower Town. Arthur was watching Gwaine leave, Merlin as his escorting. Gwaine caught sight of Arthur and Gwen at one point and saluted in his direction.</p><p>            “It’s a shame,” Arthur said. “He would have been a great night.”</p><p>            “Perhaps one day he still will be,” Gwen pointed out.</p><p>            “The rules don’t allow it. Knights are noblemen. Always have been. It’s a tradition that…” Arthur’s voice trailed off, sick from his own words. “It’s a ridiculous rule.” Here, with no one but Gwen to witness, he felt he could admit that. “It cost you Lancelot, it’s cost us Gwaine. Both of them would have made excellent knights.”</p><p>            He hadn’t missed how Gwen tensed when he mentioned Lancelot. Arthur put a gloved hand on her arm, a reassuring action they normally only did in private so as not to encourage wrongful impressions, but he decided to make an exception.</p><p>            “I promise you, Gwen,” he said. “Once it is within my power, I <em>will </em>ensure that Lancelot is permitted to return.”</p><p>            Gwen looked at him with a sad smile. “I know you will.”</p><p>            They both turned to look down on the Lower Town, where Gwaine playfully pulled Merlin close and squeezed his shoulder before pushing him away.</p><p>            “They’ve grown very friendly, haven’t they?” Arthur commented.</p><p>            “I’ve noticed.” Gwen eyed Arthur. “Why should you care? Aren’t you keeping your distance? So what if Merlin makes a new friend?”</p><p>            “I <em>don’t </em>care,” Arthur said, the lie pathetic to his own ears.</p><p>            Merlin was laughing at something Gwen said and grinning like a fool.</p><p>            “He could do better, is all,” he mumbled.</p><p>            Gwen laughed. “They are just friends, Arthur! Trust me, Gwaine’s charms are very hard to resist; if Merlin had given in to them, he would have told me.”</p><p>            Arthur coughed at that, not in any way interested in picturing Merlin at the mercy of Gwaine’s <em>charms</em>.</p><p>            “Besides,” Gwen continued, and Arthur could still hear her mocking tone. “Merlin has some heavy burdens on his shoulders. I wouldn’t blame him for needing to… release some tension.”</p><p>            “Gwen?” Arthur glared at her.</p><p>            “Shut up?”</p><p>            “Yes, sire.”</p><p>            As they watched, Merlin and Gwaine embraced, and Gwaine gave a deep bow that made Merlin laugh so loud they heard it where they stood.</p><p>            Arthur and Gwen turned away, but Arthur caught Gwen’s teasing grin out of the corner of his eyes. He reached out and pushed her arm lightly. She pushed him back, not nearly as gently. They glared at each other in mock anger, and Gwen took off running ahead back to the palace, as if Arthur was a rabid dog at her heels. Arthur laughed and let her run.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments brings air to my lungs and joy to my heart, but thanks for reading even if you don't leave those! ♥️</p><p>You can come shriek at me about multiple fandoms on tumblr @raincs and I hope you're being kind and taking care of yourself in these hard times. Did you take your meds today? 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. S3E5 - The Crystal Cave</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is a re-imagining of certain chosen scenes from episode 5, series 3 of BBC Merlin - The Crystal Cave.</p><p>Merlin is put in a situation where any decision he makes seems impossible.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is really short because there wasn't anything else I wanted to include from the episode, hope you still think a little is better than nothing!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>          “I told you we’d outrun them,” Arthur said. They were hiding behind rocks from the bandits that were chasing them, and Merlin felt a lot less confident than Arthur sounded.</p><p>          “Are you sure?”</p><p>          “Why is it you never trust me, Merlin?” Arthur asked, just as the bandits came charging from the opposite direction. They took off running again until Arthur hesitated and changed direction.</p><p>          “Come on, this way,” he instructed.</p><p>          “Where are we going?”</p><p>          “Trust me!” Arthur shouted just as Merlin felt it. A subtle change in the air around them, Merlin’s magic reaching out to something.</p><p>          The prince grabbed his arm and pulled him past two large stone statues of men that were clearly meant to guard something. As soon as Merlin moved between them, the feeling intensified. There was magic in the air here.</p><p>          “What is this place?” Merlin asked, following Arthur down old stone steps.</p><p>          “The Valley of the Fallen Kings.”</p><p>          “Is it cursed?” It certainly felt cursed.</p><p>          “No. Not unless you’re superstitious.”</p><p>          “So it is.”</p><p>          “It’s a myth! They’ll never follow us in here,” Arthur said. “They won’t dare. Trust me.”</p><p>           “If you say that one more time…” Merlin grumbled, and as if on cue, the bandits came charging into the valley. Arthur and Merlin ran, until Arthur fell down to the ground.</p><p>           “What was that?” he asked. Merlin almost forgot to breathe when he looked.</p><p>           “An arrow.” He carefully touched Arthur’s arm. The arrow was lodged in his shoulder – it looked much too deeply imbedded for comfort.</p><p>           “An arrow?” Arthur said. “Oh, good. For a moment I thought it was something terrible.”</p><p>            Arthur passed out.</p><p>*</p><p>            “Come on, dollophead, I need you to recover.” Merlin took the herbal pouch he’d finished heating on the fire and placed it on Arthur’s forehead. He had managed to hide them both, but he had no idea where the bandits were.</p><p>            He pressed his hand to Arthur’s arrow wound and uttered a spell. Nothing happened.</p><p>            “Listen to me, clotpole,” Merlin hissed. “I don’t care if you die! There are plenty of other princes. You’re not the only pompous, supercilious, condescending…beautiful, wonderful royal imbecile I could work for. The world is full of them! But I’m going to give you one more chance.”</p><p>            He put his hand over the would again and tried another spell.</p><p>            Nothing.</p><p>            Gods, when had he started crying? He couldn’t be crying, that meant he was afraid, that meant Arthur might actually die, and that could <em>not </em>happen, not now.</p><p>            All Merlin could do was let Arthur rest for a moment, and he went to clean his hands in a stream. He watched as the blood on his hands – Arthur’s blood – mingled with the clean water, and he stopped holding back his tears. He let himself sob. The man he loved was dying and he had no idea how to heal him.</p><p>            Then a voice spoke up behind him. “Tell me, why are you so sad?”</p><p>*</p><p>             Merlin was startled out of his thoughts with a bag whacking him on the back. He jumped and found Arthur standing behind him, alive and well and stunning. Merlin was so relieved that it took a full two seconds before his thoughts darkly returned to the visions he’d seen.</p><p>            “You look like a startled stoat,” Arthur said at Merlin’s reaction.</p><p>            “Yeah? Well, at least I don’t look like a bone idle…toad.” So he wasn’t really in the mood for their usual banter. “Let’s go.”</p><p>            “You’re saying I look like a toad?” Arthur asked, insulted.</p><p>            “Yeah, and maybe one day you’ll magically transform into a handsome prince. But since magic’s outlawed, that’ll probably never happen.” That would have made him laugh in any other situation. “Come on, let’s go.”</p><p>            “Merlin?” Arthur asked, forcing Merlin to stop and turn. “I’m the one who gives the orders, remember?”</p><p>            “Yeah,” he agreed. “You ready? Let’s go.”</p><p>            On their way back, Arthur didn’t seem to pick up on Merlin’s mood. Merlin couldn’t stop seeing those terrifying images, and yet for some reason, this was the day where Arthur absolutely wanted conversation.</p><p>            “I don’t understand,” the prince said. “You said I had an arrow in my back. How come all I can feel is a slight bruise?”</p><p>            “Don’t know,” Merlin muttered.</p><p>            “Merlin.” Merlin glanced over his shoulder at Arthur’s tone. “Something happen you’re not telling me about?”</p><p>            “No.” Merlin turnined forwards again.</p><p>            “Come on. I’m missing your usual prattle.”</p><p>            “You’re certainly making up for it,” Merlin said under his breath, making sure it was loud enough for Arthur to hear.</p><p>            “Still haven’t answered my question,” Arthur pointed out.</p><p>            Merlin sighed. “The arrow didn’t pierce your armor, and when you fell, you knocked yourself out.”</p><p>            Arthur was blessedly silent for a moment while considering this. “Alright,” he said. “I don’t normally say things like this, but… you did a good job back there.” Merlin’s silence at this apparently baffled him. “D’you hear what I just said?” Merlin remained silent. “Alright, maybe I should give you some kind of reward. What do you want?”</p><p>            “Some peace and quiet.” Merlin urged his horse to pick up speed.</p><p>*</p><p>            Once again, Merlin’s decisions had only made things worse. How every powerful creature could keep talking about this great destiny of his was beyond understanding. It seemed to Merlin that, every time he tried to make something better, he made it worse. This time, Morgana was dying, everyone he cared about was miserable, and he couldn’t decide what was the right thing to do.</p><p>            It was Arthur who finally helped Merlin make his decision. Of course it was. Merlin leaned against the palace walls in the pouring rain and watched as Arthur, soaked through, slashed at the training dummy with his sword until there was hardly anything left of it.</p><p>            Arthur was in so much pain, and Merlin longed to hold him and tell him everything would be alright.</p><p>            He couldn’t do that, he knew, but he could try to fix what he had broken. For Arthur.</p><p>*</p><p>            “I couldn’t watch everyone’s grief,” Merlin said when Gaius sat beside him on the ledge. The corridor was empty, but Merlin kept his voice down. “I couldn’t see Arthur hurting like that.”</p><p>            “I know.” Gaius sounded like he might even mean it. “But you’re playing with things that are beyond you.”</p><p>            Merlin could only nod. Every choice he made since Taliesin took him to the Crystal Cave had been the wrong one. Morgana was filled with more anger and darkness than ever before, and Merlin didn’t think there was any stopping it now. He’d had his chance to save Morgana from her darkness, and he failed.</p><p>            “I wish I could explain it to Arthur,” he whispered. “I wish I could tell him what Morgana has become and my part in it… I wish I could tell him <em>everything</em>.”</p><p>            “You know that you cannot,” Gaius reminded him, as if he needed reminding. “It is hard enough to keep you alive when Uther doesn’t know about your magic. Your secret is saving your life.”</p><p>            “I know,” Merlin sighed. “It’s just a wish, that’s all.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments brings air to my lungs and joy to my heart, but thanks for reading even if you don't leave those! ♥️</p><p>You can come shriek at me about multiple fandoms on tumblr @raincs and I hope you're being kind and taking care of yourself in these hard times. Did you take your meds today? 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. S3E6 – The Changeling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is a re-imagining of certain chosen scenes from episode 6, series 3 of BBC Merlin - The Changeling.</p><p>Uther has decided Arthur should marry - Arthur is Not Amused.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            “Arthur.” Uther sounded unusually chipper. Merlin walked a few steps behind Arthur and his father through the throne room. Arthur always worried when Merlin was within easy each of Uther, and the King's good mood didn't ease those worries. “It is an exciting day.”</p><p>            “The arrival of Lord Godwyn is always a cause for celebration,” Arthur agreed, not quite managing his father’s level of enthusiasm.</p><p>            “And Princess Elena.”</p><p>            “Yes.” Arthur felt something akin to battle instinct prickle in his neck.</p><p>            “I hear she’s something of a beauty,” Uther said.</p><p>            “Really?” Yes, he definitely felt as though he needed a shield to hide behind.</p><p>            “Oh, yes. Beautiful, charming, witty. Strategic.”</p><p>            “Strategic?” Wherever Uther was going with this, he knew he wouldn’t like it.</p><p>            “I have always thought so,” Uther said, and at this point his enthusiasm was genuinely frightening. “<em>We </em>have always thought so. That is, Lord Godwyn and myself. That is, he finds you strategic, not Princess Elena.”</p><p>            “He finds me…strategic?”</p><p>            “Oh, yes!”</p><p>            “And beautiful?” Arthur heard Merlin try to disguise a snort of laughter just as the doors to the throne room opened. Lord Godwyn and his daughter, Elena, entered, along with an attendant.</p><p>            “Father, what are you trying to say?” Arthur suddenly wished or his sword as well as his shield.</p><p>            “Lord Godwyn is a serious ally. The strength of such a match cannot be underestimated.”</p><p>            Arthur fought to remain standing. “Please tell me you mean a jousting match.”</p><p>            “I mean a love match,” Uther said, and stepped forward to greet Godwyn with a hug before Arthur could appropriately glare at him.</p><p>            “Love?!” he exclaimed at the space beside him where Uther had been.</p><p>            “Oh, it’s been too long,” Lord Godwyn said happily as he released his friend. Uther turned to the princess.</p><p>            “Princess Elena,” he greeted warmly. “You are most welcome.”</p><p>            Elena stepped forward to greet the king, and fell flat on her face. Arthur politely looked away, his stomach in knots and head buzzing.</p><p>            <em>Love match.</em></p><p>            Shit.</p><p>*</p><p>            Gwen caught up with Arthur in the corridor later in the day. Merlin walked behind them, carrying some of the bags of their visitors.</p><p>            “You put them in the best guest quarters?” Arthur asked Gwen, working very hard to keep his voice steady and normal.</p><p>            “Everything’s arranged,” Gwen declared. “Princess Elena can’t fail to be impressed.”</p><p>            “And Merlin,” Arthur said loudly. “It would be good if the bags were to arrive before they did.”</p><p>            Merlin shot him a glare, but pushed past them towards Elena’s quarters. As soon as he was gone, Arthur could feel his entire being sag from trying to keep up an appearance of calm. Gwen noticed, but then he wasn’t trying to hide it from <em>her</em>.</p><p>            “What is it, Arthur?” she asked. "You are clearly troubled.”</p><p>            “My, er, my father had some surprising news for me,” Arthur forced out the words. “He expects me to marry Princess Elena.”</p><p>            Gwen’s eyes widened. “Marry?”</p><p>            “Yes, marry.” Arthur took a deep breath. “I’m not going to do it.”</p><p>            “You think you can change Uther’s mind?”</p><p>            “I have to,” Arthur said. He couldn’t find the strength to say the words out loud at that moment, but Arthur knew with absolute certainty that he could not go through with this marriage. And he hated the reason why.</p><p>*</p><p>            That evening, Arthur found himself staring at that very reason while he prepared for bed. He was trying very hard to keep the voices in his head from panicking, so he prattled on to fill the silence.</p><p>            “It’s strange, isn’t it?” he said. “Elena couldn’t be more different to Lord Godwyn.”</p><p>            “Yeah,” Merlin agreed. “Perhaps she takes after her mother.”</p><p>            “I’ve never met her, she died when Elena was born.”</p><p>            Merlin was quiet for a moment. “That can’t’ve been easy. Perhaps you’ve more in common than you think.” He made a face. “Bad breath, for example.”</p><p>            “Excuse me?!” Arthur exclaimed.</p><p>            “Appalling table manners.”</p><p>            “Eh, now, hang on a minute!”</p><p>            “Good sense of humour. Oh, no, you’re right, you’ve nothing in common.”</p><p>            Even as he tried not to laugh, Arthur grabbed a pillow and tossed it towards Merlin. He dodged it with practised ease, smiling, until he saw where the pillow had landed. Arthur’s smile vanished, too. The pillow lay at the feet of Uther Pendragon, standing in Arthur’s chambers and looking very unhappy.</p><p>            “A word,” he said, sending a significant glance towards Merlin. “Alone.”</p><p>            Merlin nodded and picked up the pillow. Arthur didn’t breathe again until Merlin was out the door. He couldn’t believe he’d let his father witness that. Uther couldn’t know how deeply he cared about Merlin, even as a friend. It would draw attention Merlin couldn’t afford. Thankfully, Uther’s focus was elsewhere.</p><p>            “I need to talk to you about Elena,” he said. “I realise that this is a delicate situation.”</p><p>            “There’s nothing delicate about it.”</p><p>            “Lord Godwyn, as you know, is not only a very good friend of mine, but a longstanding ally of Camelot.”</p><p>            “I have nothing against Lord Godwyn,” Arthur said. “I’ve nothing against <em>Elena</em>! Except marriage.”</p><p>            Uther gave him a look that Arthur had seen too many times in his life. The look of a King and a father who wondered where he had gone wrong.</p><p>            “When we talk about your future, Arthur, we’re not just talking about your happiness, but the safety and security of the whole of Camelot. You may one day be a husband, but more importantly, you will one day be King.”</p><p>            Arthur swallowed hard, fighting for calm. “But I have no feelings for her whatsoever.”</p><p>            Uther glared at him. “Then I would encourage you to find some.”</p><p>            Arthur hated that despite everything he knew, part of him still longed for his father’s approval. He still wanted to please him. He did not want to marry Princess Elena, but the least he could try, for the sake of his father, was get to know her.</p><p>*</p><p>            Elena was a damn fine rider, that much was certain. Arthur dismounted where she was already waiting by the stream, pleasantly surprised by the competition.</p><p>            “That was impressive,” he admitted. “I’m not easily impressed.”</p><p>            “Oh, well, neither am I,” Elena grinned. “And I wasn’t!”</p><p>            She laughed, a loud snort escaping her, and punched Arthur playfully in the arm. Arthur wasn’t entirely certain if he wanted to laugh or retreat, and it took him long enough trying to decide that an awkward silence settled between them. Thankfully, Elena found her words first.</p><p>            “I’ve been riding since I was a child,” she said. “I don’t get to do it as much as I’d like, princesses don’t, but apparently my mother was an excellent horsewoman. I never met her.”</p><p>            “I never met mine, either.” Arthur tried for common ground. “I often wonder if I’m like her. I hope I don’t take after my father entirely.”</p><p>            “Oh, you don’t!” Elena said with a laugh, then blushed, “I don’t mean that in a bad way.”</p><p>            Arthur had to fight not to laugh, as well. “Er, so, the real reason you beat me here is because I stopped to smell the roses." Awkwardly, he held out the pink rose he found for her. She took it, smile wide.</p><p>            “Aww, thank you! It’s beautiful!” She sniffed it and sneezed, practically in Arthur’s face. Again, he was unsure whether to laugh or retreat. Luckily Merlin arrived in time to interrupt their <em>romantic </em>outing.</p><p>            “Shall I set up here?”</p><p>            “Merlin! What kept you?” Arthur leaned close and whispered. “Do not leave me again.”</p><p>            “You were riding so fast, I thought you were eager for some…time alone.” He said the last bit in a whisper, that teasing look in his eyes. Arthur had never been happier for Merlin’s presence.</p><p>            “Nobody likes a clever clogs, Merlin,” he still said, so Merlin wouldn’t notice.</p><p>            “No, of course,” Merlin said with mock seriousness and proceeded to set up.</p><p>*</p><p>            Arthur spent the entire day trying to find some feelings for Elena that could qualify as more than friendship, and came up with nothing. She was nice, despite her awkwardness, and kind; not judgmental and obnoxious like some nobles could be. But there was no chemistry between them. Nothing about her attracted Arthur in a romantic way, and he could not imagine being married to her.</p><p>            It had not helped that for most of the day, Merlin was there to mutter mocking comments under his breath that made Arthur laugh, or give him sympathetic looks whenever Arthur and Elena tried to force some kind of sweet, romantic moment and failed entirely.</p><p>            Merlin had just been there for him, making the whole day more tolerable and at times enjoyable, just with his presence. No matter what feelings Merlin himself might have about the situation. Arthur’s heart swelled with every kind glance and teasing smile.</p><p>            He knew he had to say something to his father, but it was still difficult to find the words when he sat down to dinner with Uther and Morgana that night.</p><p>            “Father, there is a delicate matter I wish to discuss with you,” he managed at last. Gwen was serving them, and she gave him an encouraging glance.</p><p>            “Your proposal.” Uther was already excited. “Excellent! We must make a fuss. Women like that kind of thing, isn’t that right, Morgana?”</p><p>            Morgana laughed. “I have no idea. I’m delighted to hear the news, though.”</p><p>            “I couldn’t be more thrilled,” Uther agreed.</p><p>            “She’s a wonderful woman,” Morgana added.</p><p>            “She’ll make a wonderful wife.”</p><p>            Well, this conversation was not going entirely as he planned.</p><p>            “No, she won’t,” Arthur said, as forcefully as his nevres allowed. “Not for me, anyway. Father, I have tried to get to know Elena, but the truth is, I have no feelings for her. I’m sure she’s a wonderful person, but I cannot marry someone I do not love.”</p><p>            That put a damper on Uther’s good spirits. He glared at his son with enough force to spark flames. “You can. And you will.”</p><p>            It seemed to be all he had to say on the matter. Arthur met Gwen’s eyes, and she gave him an empathetic look.</p><p>            How was he going to get out of this when his duty and his heart were on entirely different sides?</p><p>*</p><p>            Arthur suspected Gwen might be getting sick of her friend appearing at her doorstep all hours of the day, so it was a pleasant surprise to find Gwen at the door to <em>his </em>chambers, for once, the day after his disastrous dinner.</p><p>            “Sorry for just turning up like this.” She closED the door behind her and Arthur returned to staring out the window.</p><p>            “It’s alright. I figured you would find me eventually. Do you have some wise words that will miraculously help me find a way out of this situation?”</p><p>            He meant the words to be teasing, but instead they sounded desperate to his own ears. Gwen’s too, he assumed, as she sighed sadly.</p><p>            “Everyone is talking about your marriage to Elena. I know this isn’t what you wanted, and I’m sorry.”</p><p>            “Is what I want really that insane?”</p><p>            “Oh, Arthur.” Gwen joined him by the window. “To most people, I’m afraid it is. But do you even <em>know</em> what you want? Do you have a name for it, after all your talk of creating distances and walls?”</p><p>            Arthur looked at her, once again hating and loving her for refusing to accept anything but honesty, for forcing him to be honest with himself above all.</p><p>            “I know what I’ve said. I have been trying to keep Merlin at a distance, tried not to let him see what he truly means to me because I don’t know how to protect him otherwise. I don’t know if that was the right or wrong decision, but I have tried.”</p><p>            “And,” Gwen said carefully, “what <em>does </em>he truly mean to you?”</p><p>            By gods, she was going to make him say it.</p><p>            “Everything.” Arthur's voice was barely above a whisper. “He means everything. I love him with all my heart, and if I cannot be with him then I do not want anyone else.”</p><p>            Gwen smiled at him, proud and sad. “Yet you know that as a King, you are expected to one day find a Queen. It is what your father, the court and your people expect of you.”</p><p>            “And most of them will never accept anything less,” Arthur finished for her.</p><p>            “We can’t always get what we want. I know that as well as anyone. But perhaps there is a solution, one we have not yet seen.”</p><p>            “If we do not see it soon, there will be no point,” Arthur said. “If I marry Elena, what will he do?”</p><p>            “He will watch you grow into the King that Camelot deserves,” Gwen offered kindly. “He will stand by you as he always has and always will, no matter what.”</p><p>            “I do not want to hurt him like that.” Arthur loathed how weak and near breaking his voice was.</p><p>            “I know,” Gwen said. “I wish I had the answers for you, Arthur. All I can tell you is to listen to your heart. It has led you to the right decisions before, and it will again.”</p><p>*</p><p>            Arthur stood in the antechamber to the throne room and tried to recall how to breathe, or blink, or move at all. It was like some terrible nightmare he couldn’t wake from. It became both easier and worse when Merlin entered.</p><p>            “I brought you your ceremonial sword.”</p><p>            “Is that for me to fall on?”</p><p>            “Hopefully not,” Merlin said. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>            How could he even ask that? Arthur knew that Merlin was blind to the effects he had on his prince, but surely he was smart enough to know that this wasn’t what Arthur wanted.</p><p>            “You wouldn’t understand, Merlin.” Arthur knew full well that he <em>would</em>. “You have no idea what it’s like to have a destiny you can’t escape.”</p><p>            “Destinies are troublesome things,” Merlin mused.</p><p>            Arthur took the sword and sheathed it, only considering for a moment running it through his own foot to at least delay the ceremony.</p><p>            “You feel trapped,” Merlin continued, to Arthur's surprise. “Like your whole life is being planned out for you and you’ve got no control over anything, and sometimes you don’t even know if what destiny decided is really the best thing at all.”</p><p>            Arthur stared at Merlin in wonder, and he knew that whatever his father had decided <em>his </em>destiny was, it couldn’t possibly be the best thing if it didn’t include Merlin.</p><p>            “How come you’re so knowledgeable?”</p><p>            “Hmm?” Merlin looked at him. “Oh, I read a book.”</p><p>            Arthur bit his cheek so as not to smile. “What would this book tell you?” he asked, heart in his throat. “Should I marry her?”</p><p>            Arthur detected it, even though it was only there for a fleeting moment. A pain in Merlin’s eyes, intense and consuming like the one Arthur felt. But Merlin schooled his expression all to quickly. “That’s not really my place to say,” he replied.</p><p>            “I’m asking you.” Did Arthur’s voice really sound as pleading as he thought it did? “It’s your job to answer.”</p><p>            Merlin met his eyes. “If you really want to know what I think…”</p><p>            <em>Always, even when you’re being an idiot</em>. Arthur gestured for him to proceed.</p><p>            “I think you’re mad,” Merlin declared, his voice rising. “I think you’re <em>all </em>mad. People should marry for love, not convenience. And if Uther thinks an unhappy king makes for a stronger kingdom, then he’s wrong. ‘Cause you may be destined to rule Camelot, but you have a choice as to how you do it.”</p><p>            Arthur didn’t know how he managed not to push Merlin against the wall and kiss him in that very moment, but the doors to the throne room opened and trumpets sounded, and Arthur had to look away from Merlin’s beautiful, angry eyes and stubbornly set lips, and walk towards the altar.</p><p>*</p><p>            “Wait,” Arthur heard himself say, as if from a distance. He had just heard Elena reply <em>it is </em>and seen the lie in her eyes just as clearly as he felt it in his soul, and heard the word come out of his mouth, cutting off Geoffrey mid sentence.</p><p>            “There’s something you would like to say, Arthur?” Geoffrey asked, a little thrown but recovering like a man who had lived long enough to have seen many sudden turns.</p><p>            Arthur found Merlin in the crowd, and he was certain. He turned to Elena.</p><p>            “Something I should’ve said a long time ago. Something from the heart I dared not speak. Elena, you are a wonderful woman, and a beautiful bride, but I cannot deny my feelings.”</p><p>            Elena smiled at him, looking more at ease with herself than Arthur had seen her. “You do not love me,” she said fondly.</p><p>            Arthur shook his head. “And I think, if you were honest, you do not love me either.”</p><p>            “No.” Elena’s smile widened. “I do not.”</p><p>            “Then we are both here out of duty.” Arthur could feel the wrath of his father, but refused to look in his direction. “Can you forgive me?”</p><p>            “I agree with all you have said,” Elena replied with great relief. “Thank you, Arthur.”</p><p>            Arthur once again glanced towards Merlin, and he could have sworn he saw the glint of tears in the other man’s eyes.</p><p>*</p><p>            Arthur, with Merlin following a few steps behind him, met Gwen on the staircase. They all stopped, Merlin trying to make himself invisible but not leaving.</p><p>            “So,” Arthur said, grinning at Gwen, his relief impossible to disguise now that everything was over. “I’m still a single man.”</p><p>            “Indeed,” Gwen replied with equal joy. “I don’t think you deserved her, actually. She’s really very lovely.”</p><p>            Gwen glanced over Arthur’s shoulder, and he wondered what she was seeing on Merlin’s face, and what exactly Merlin was making of this conversation.</p><p>            “She is,” Arthur agreed. “Well, I had hoped to have forsaken her for one equally as lovely. Who knows, perhaps even more so.” He wanted to turn around and look at Merlin, but stopped himself. He knew now that he could not deny the intensity of his love any longer, but everything he and Gwen discussed still held true.</p><p>            As a King, he would be expected to find a Queen.</p><p>            No kingdom would accept Arthur’s rule with the person he truly wanted at his side.</p><p>            Gwen smiled sadly. “I do not know of such a person. Certainly not one willing to put up with you.”</p><p>            He laughed. “Very few come to mind.” This time he did glance over his shoulder. Merlin was looking right at him, but his attention snapped to the wall when Arthur turned.</p><p>            Arthur said his goodbyes to Gwen, and when they were walking alone again, Arthur thought he might actually let go of all his better judgments and just tell Merlin. Tell him everything. About his feelings, that he knew about his magic, all of it.</p><p>            The glimpse of Uther through an open door, talking to another noble with the intensity and cruel expression that only Uther Pendragon could manage, ensured Arthur kept his mouth firmly shut.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! This is one of my favourite fics for this season. Thanks for sticking with me folks, if any of you are getting half as much enjoyment out of this as I do, then my life has purpose!</p><p>Kudos and comments brings air to my lungs and joy to my heart, but thanks for reading even if you don't leave those! ♥️</p><p>You can come shriek at me about multiple fandoms on tumblr @raincs and I hope you're being kind and taking care of yourself in these hard times. Did you take your meds today? 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. S3E7 - The Castle of Fyrien</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is a re-imagining of certain chosen scenes from episode 7, series 3 of BBC Merlin - The Castle of Fyrien.</p><p>Arthur and Merlin help Gwen rescue her brother. There is much Angsty Feelings.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            “Gwen!” Merlin exclaimed after he knocked over both her and the laundry she was carrying. He bent to help retrieve it. “I’ve been searching the whole town for you! We’ve been worried sick.”</p><p>            “That’s very sweet.” Gwen's voice shook a little, Merlin thought. “I just had a cold, that’s all.”</p><p>            “I went to your house, Gwen, you weren’t there.”</p><p>            “Oh, no, er… I, er, was just…” Gwen was not one to struggle with words, and she <em>certainly </em>wasn’t one to lie to her friends. He took a closer look at her and drew a breath when he noticed the edge of bruises she tried to hide on her wrists.</p><p>            “Who did that to you?” he asked, restraining his anger.</p><p>            “No one, it was an accident.” Yes, her voice was definitely trembling.</p><p>            “Gwen,” Merlin said gently. “Look at me.”</p><p>            She met his eyes. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”</p><p>            “Gwen, this is me you’re talking to,” Merlin said, and Gwen broke down crying.</p><p>*</p><p>            “I don’t understand how they even knew that Arthur and I are close friends,” Gwen said. They were sat at her kitchen table. “As far as most people know, I am just another servant in the palace.”</p><p>            “It’s common knowledge Arthur would lay down his life for any of his subjects,” Merlin said. “Cenred could’ve taken anyone.”</p><p>            “Do you really believe that?”</p><p>            “No,” Merlin admitted. “But since only people close to you both know of your…significant friendship, I dread to think how Cenred knew.”</p><p>            “Don’t take that tone with me,” Gwen snapped. “You know the only thing between me and Arthur is friendship.”</p><p>            Merlin knew she kept trying to tell him that, though he also knew Arthur had strong feelings for Gwen, even if they were not returned. What did it matter that it broke his heart?</p><p>            “What matters is that you’re back with home safe with your friends,” Merlin said. “You don’t have to face this alone.”</p><p>            “Yes I do, Merlin. This is my problem. I can’t let you get involved, I can’t involve Arthur. I won’t.”</p><p>            “Arthur is already involved,” Merlin insisted.</p><p>            “Not if I don’t tell him about it! I don’t want the two of you to get in trouble because of me.”</p><p>            “Then you’re an even bigger idiot than Arthur thinks I am,” Merlin said. “You would want him to come to you if he was in trouble, wouldn’t you?”</p><p>            “Of course I would,” Gwen replid, and he could already sense her resolution fading.</p><p>            “Alright, then.” Merlin held out his hand, and Gwen took it. “Let’s go.”</p><p>*</p><p>            “You know, I used to be afraid of these woods,” Arthur admitted as they rode. He'd noticed Merlin acting surly ever since he realized Morgana was coming along, and Gwen’s concern from her brother was radiating off her, and Arthur felt the need to try and break some of the tension that had settled over the group.</p><p>            “I find that hard to believe,” Gwen said, and Arthur could swear he heard a huff from Merlin behind them.</p><p>            “My father would bring me here when I was a boy, and it seemed every falling leaf was a bandit, every puff of wind a ghost,” he explained. “You just get used to it in the end.”</p><p>            “I don’t think I’d ever get used to it,” Gwen replied.</p><p>            “That’s why we’re all looking after each other!” Arthur said cheerily. “In the event of an attack, Morgana, I think I can rely on your protection?”</p><p>            “Of course,” Morgana laughed.</p><p>            “And Gwen, you’ll look after Merlin, won’t you?”</p><p>            Gwen laughed, too, and Arthur glanced behind him and saw Merlin shaking his head, but a smile played at the edge of his lips. That was better.</p><p>*</p><p>            “Go get some more firewood, would you Merlin?” Arthur asked.</p><p>            “I thought Morgana was doing that?”</p><p>            “Well, go and see if she’s alright.”</p><p>            Merlin glared bitterly. Wasn’t the whole reason for Morgana coming along that she was such a competent fighter who could take care of herself? “Why wouldn’t she be?”</p><p>            “I don’t know, maybe there are wolves in these woods!”</p><p>            Why was he being so odd? “I…don’t think there are.”</p><p>            Arthur’s gaze flickered to Gwen before he glared back at Merlin.</p><p>            <em>Oh.</em> Arthur wanted time alone with Gwen. Right, of course that was it.</p><p>            Merlin tried to tell himself that wasn’t a big deal; Gwen was their best friend and she was worried about her brother, and besides, she was in love with Lancelot and –</p><p>            “Oh, yeah, of course. The wolves.” Merlin nearly tripped over his own feet heading into the trees. Now that he thought about it, he could really use a moment away from Arthur. He knew what Gwen kept assuring him, but what was he supposed to think when he kept seeing these moments and looks between Arthur and Gwen that seemed so significant?</p><p>            <em>You are driving yourself insane</em>, his mind pointed out unhelpfully.</p><p>            After a short walk, he came across Morgana, almost surprised to find her actually collecting wood instead of plotting their destruction. Though perhaps she was doing both.</p><p>            “What do you want, Merlin?” she asked when she spotted him.</p><p>            “Arthur sent me. He wanted to make sure that you were OK.”</p><p>            “How very thoughtful of him.” Morgana's voice was thick with mockery. Merlin wanted to magic one of the twigs in her hand to knock her over the head.</p><p>            <em>Stop it</em>, he chastised himself. <em>You’re the one who made her this way.</em></p><p>“Well, he cares for you,” Merlin replied instead. “You know, Gwen too. They’re your friends, Morgana. They’ve always been loyal to you.”</p><p>            “Why are you telling me this?” Morgana straightened, fastening him with one of her poisonous green glares.</p><p>            Merlin refused to be intimidated. “Because I don’t understand how anyone would want to hurt their friends.”</p><p>            “No, you just poison them,” she sneered. “You’d do well, Merlin, to stay out of things that do not concern you.”</p><p>            “Oh, but they do concern me, cause they’re my friends, too.” It was one of those moments where he longed to express the full extent of his power, to let her know exactly what forces she was playing with. He managed to contain it, but his voice still rang with warning. “And I’ll do whatever it takes to protect them.”</p><p>            Morgana smirked. “I would expect nothing less.”</p><p>*</p><p>            The moment Merlin disappeared between the trees, Arthur turned to Gwen. Finally he had gotten Merlin to leave their side so he could try to think clearly, but he couldn’t just attack Gwen with the words that were itching inside of him, not now.</p><p>             “How are you holding up?” he asked her instead.</p><p>            “You can ask me the thing you’re longing to ask me first, you know,” Gwen noted as she carried her gear to the fire pit.</p><p>            “Let’s assume that your feelings towards your brother are more urgent and answer the question I actually asked first, will you?” Arthur insisted. “And sit for a moment, you’re wearing me out just watching you.”</p><p>            Gwen looked like she wanted to argue, but she did end up sitting down. “It’s good to keep busy,” she said. “Stops me thinking too much.”</p><p>            “’Cause you’re worried about Elyan.”</p><p>            Gwen sighed. “I’m always worried about Elyan. He’s just one of those people, never settled down, never thinks about the future, just follows his heart wherever it leads him.”</p><p>            “Doesn’t sound so bad.”</p><p>            “It wouldn’t be,” Gwen agreed, “except he always manages to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.”</p><p>            “I don’t think it’s really his fault this time.”</p><p>            “No. But even if it was, I’d still be there for him. Now, will you please talk about what you’re trying to be gallant and not talk about? I need a good distraction. Please.”</p><p>            If he thought she was playing him, he would have refused, but there was genuine pleading in her eyes that he couldn’t deny. “It’s stupid."</p><p>           She smirked. “So it’s about Merlin.”</p><p>            “He’s an absolute moron,” Arthur said more fiercely than he intended. “Have you seen him? The man is absolutely convinced that you’re the person I’m in love with! Is he truly so oblivious, or am I a much better actor than I think I am?”</p><p>            “I’m afraid the answers to both those questions are yes and no,” Gwen replied thoughtfully. “Merlin has been protecting himself his whole life; this is just the same thing for different reasons. If he thinks he can’t have you, it might be easier to push this fictional romance between the two of us. Though I do believe you are a much better actor than you think, especially when your audience is predisposed to believe your performance. Not to mention…”</p><p>            Gwen cut herself off, biting her lip. She looked at Arthur as if unsure she was going too far. He nodded for her to continue. She always made more sense than his mind did.</p><p>            “Merlin is a good person,” Gwen continued. “With such a big heart. And he has this big secret he must keep at all cost. Do you really think Merlin could forgive himself for acting on his feelings while knowingly keeping his magic from you?”</p><p>            Arthur stared at her. He hadn’t thought of it like that, yet he felt like he should have.</p><p>            “He would do anything to protect you, even from himself,” Gwen said. “It’s what you do when you love someone, isn’t it?”</p><p>            Arthur swallowed, unsure if he could speak. He tried instead to light the fire between them with flints, but his hands were shaking and he kept fumbling.</p><p>            Gwen gently took the flint from him and lit the fire easily on her second try. He looked up at her. “Blacksmith’s daughter, remember?” she teased.</p><p>            “You know,” Arthur croaked, clearing his throat. “You really are the most wonderful friend. We will bring your brother back, I swear it.”</p><p>            Gwen nodded, and he hoped that meant she believed him.</p><p>            Naturally, it was that moment, when they were leaned close together by the fire, that Morgana and Merlin returned, providing Merlin with the perfect opportunity to fuel his absurd theories about them.</p><p>            For once, though, Arthur found he really couldn’t hold it against him.</p><p>*</p><p>            “Are you sure we shouldn’t try to sneak into the castle itself?” Merlin asked. “It might be easier.”</p><p>            “No, the tunnels are a better bet,” Arthur replied. “That way, the element of surprise is guaranteed.”</p><p>            <em>But Morgana is a traitor and might be marching us to our deaths. </em>Why couldn’t he just say that out loud? Why couldn’t he just tell Arthur about Morgana’s true nature?</p><p>            <em>He would never believe you, idiot. </em>Arthur had known Morgana all his life. Why would he take Merlin at his word without any proof?</p><p>            “Are you questioning my judgment, Merlin?” Arthur asked.</p><p>            “No, no, it’s just, er…an instinct, that’s all.” Merlin hated his cowardice, not for the first time. Morgana’s true nature wasn’t the only thing he was keeping to himself.</p><p>            “Oh, well, if you’ve got an instinct,” Arthur said dryly, “we should ignore my lifetime of military experience.”</p><p>            “What if it’s a trap?” Merlin tried. “What if Cenred knows about the tunnels?”</p><p>            “I’m willing to bet my life he doesn’t.”</p><p>            <em>I’m not</em>, Merlin thought, and yet he still didn’t say anything. What kind of person was he, if he kept risking the life of not just his prince, but the man he loved, simply to protect himself? Who cared if Arthur ran him through with his sword for accusing Morgana, if it meant the thought would be in the back of Arthur’s head and might save his life later on?</p><p>            But dying meant he couldn’t be there to protect Arthur, and Arthur always seemed to be in need of protection.</p><p>            The entire situation, Merlin decided, was entirely impossible.</p><p>*</p><p>            “I don’t understand why we’re not dead already,” Merlin said. The stone of the prison walls dug into his back, but he was too exhausted to care.</p><p>            “Because Cenred will want to torture me first.” Arthur sounded much too casual. “Find out what I know.”</p><p>            “Aren’t you afraid?” Merlin asked.</p><p>            “No, not in the slightest.”</p><p>            “You’re not afraid of pain?”</p><p>            “I am afraid of pain, there’s just not going to be any. We are going to escape from this filthy cell and rescue the others.”</p><p>            Merlin perked up. “You’ve got a plan!”</p><p>            Arthur sort of nodded and shook his head at the same time. “Not as such.”</p><p>            Arthur Pendragon, Crown Prince of Camelot, always knowing how to reassure his people in times of crisis.</p><p>*</p><p>            Merlin was actually more than a little pleased with how he and Arthur escaped their cell and got to the others, and then he kicked himself for enjoying anything in this situation.</p><p>            They entered Gwen and Elyan’s cell. “You alright?” Arthur asked.</p><p>            “Yes,” Gwen assured them.</p><p>            “Where’s Morgana?”</p><p>            “I thought she was with you!”</p><p>            “They must be holding her somewhere else,” Arthur said. <em>No, they’re not</em>, Merlin thought. He let Arthur take the lead out in the corridor for a short distance before he came to a stop and turned to him.</p><p>            “Take Gwen and Elyan with you,” Arthur said. “Get to safety, all of you.”</p><p>            “What about you?” Merlin asked.</p><p>            “I’m going to get Morgana.”</p><p>            <em>You stupid, stubborn, self-sacrificing – </em>“No, you can’t! It’s too dangerous.”</p><p>            “Sorry, Merlin,” Arthur said, and Merlin thought he might truly meant it. “I’m not leaving without her.”</p><p>            Arthur still hesitated, and it wasn’t until his eyes flickered downwards, to what very much looked like the precise spot of Merlin’s lips, that Merlin realized how close they were standing, Arthur’s hand on his arm, looking at him like…</p><p>            What was that look?</p><p>            No, surely he was mistaken. It couldn’t be. It looked so similar to a look Merlin knew he often wore himself.</p><p>            <em>Longing</em>.</p><p>            That was the look.</p><p>            Merlin swallowed, and for a moment he forgot where they were and that they might get caught and killed at any moment. An unwanted memory forced its way to the surface – unwanted because it hurt too much to contemplate. The memory of a tent, and of chainmail beneath his fingers and strong arms around his waist and lips, chapped, strong lips, moving against his.</p><p>            But Arthur didn’t remember that. So why the look?</p><p>            Their blue eyes stared into each other's, until a sound came from somewhere in their vicinity and Arthur seemed to remember that he was a soldier and this was a battle. He turned to Gwen, leaving Merlin to put himself back together again.</p><p>            “When you get to the horses,” Arthur told her, “ride straight for Camelot. Do not wait for me. Promise.”</p><p>            “But we–“</p><p>            “<em>Promise</em>,” Arthur repeated with an intensity that was not to be denied. </p><p>            Gwen capitulated. “I promise.”</p><p>            With that, Arthur left them, casting one last look at Merlin before he disappeared down the corridor. Merlin escorted Gwen and her brother far enough to be certain they could manage the rest of the way on their own, then he told them to go on without him.</p><p>            “Good luck,” Gwen said; she knew Merlin had to do this.</p><p>            “You too.”</p><p>*</p><p>            When they returned to Gwen and Elyan, Arthur was still furious that Merlin had come after him. Even if his fire magic was the only reason Arthur and Morgana made it out more or less intact. His anger didn't lessen when they found Gwen and Elyan waiting with the horses. What was the point of being a prince if nobody bloody listened to him?</p><p>            “I thought I told you to ride back to Camelot!”</p><p>            “You might be a prince, but we don’t always have to do what you tell us to,” Gwen told him, and Arthur didn’t have time to argue with her about how very wrong that statement was, before they were attacked by more of Cenred’s men.</p><p>            Elyan took down one of the men almost as easily as Arthur took out the other.</p><p>            “Not bad,” Arthur told him.</p><p>            “Well, practice makes perfect, I guess.”</p><p>            Arthur held out his hand. “It’s an honour to meet Guinevere’s brother.”</p><p>            Elyan glanced at the hand in shock, but with one look at Gwen, he shook it confidently. Arthur decided that he just might like his friend’s brother.</p><p>            He was still furious with everyone for ignoring his orders.</p><p>*</p><p>            Before he fell asleep that night, he thought about what Gwen said when she came to thank him earlier. She had told him that Arthur was being just as absurd as Merlin, and though she loved and supported them both, she was tired of seeing them make themselves miserable.         </p><p>            Arthur couldn’t blame her for being frustrated with them, but the conversation had left him puzzling all day over what the world might look like if Arthur did confess both his feelings and his knowledge to Merlin.</p><p>            If they grew closer.</p><p>            If they got so caught up in emotions that they forgot to be careful.</p><p>             If Uther found out as a result.</p><p>            Those thoughts were probably why Arthur woke up screaming that night, with the nightmare of Merlin’s flesh on fire seared in his mind, still hearing Merlin’s wails of pain and his father’s unrepentant face as he forced Arthur not to look away from the pyre.</p><p>            “That can never happen,” he whispered to himself in the darkness of his chambers. “I will protect him from that fate, whatever the cost.”</p><p>            As Gwen had said. It’s what you do when you love someone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments brings air to my lungs and joy to my heart, but thanks for reading even if you don't leave those! ♥️</p><p>You can come shriek at me about multiple fandoms on tumblr @raincs and I hope you're being kind and taking care of yourself in these hard times. Did you take your meds today? 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. S3E8 - The Eye of the Phoenix</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is a re-imagining of certain chosen scenes from episode 8, series 3 of BBC Merlin - The Eye of the Phoenix.</p><p>Arthur goes on an important quest, so obviously Merlin and a friend have to follow and save his life.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>             As much fun as it was to infuriate Arthur with his hiccups, Merlin couldn’t help worrying about this quest as he made the prince’s bed. He peeked at the papers on Arthur’s desk.</p><p>            “All these maps,” he tried to cover another hiccup, “none of them are the same.”</p><p>            “Well done, Merlin, do you know why? Because hardly anyone’s ever been there.”</p><p>            “Couldn’t you have chosen something a bit easier?” Merlin asked, already anticipating a snapping reply.</p><p>            “I’m meant to be proving my worth to the people. A quick trip to the lower town to collect a bundle of herbs probably won’t cut it.”</p><p>            Merlin thought surely there was something in-between those two scenarios that might be more appropriate. “But the Perilous Lands are…Perilous.” And Arthur tended to attract peril. “Maybe I should come with you.”</p><p>            “What for?”</p><p>            “To…help out?” <em>Very subtle, Merlin.</em></p><p>“You really don’t get it, do you?” Arthur snapped. “The task must be completed <em>alone</em> and <em>unaided</em>. That’s the way it’s been for hundreds of years. It’s not about to change for you. Now, if you don’t mind, I have some important preparations to do.”</p><p>            Merlin hiccupped in response, which summed up his feelings nicely.</p><p>
  <strong>*</strong>
</p><p>Arthur was just about to leave when Merlin noticed the bracelet on his wrist. The very magical, very powerful bracelet. Once he saw it, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t sensed the magic coming off it before.</p><p>            “Beautiful, isn’t it?” Arthur noticed him looking. “It was a gift from Morgana.”</p><p>            For the sake of all that was good in this world, could that woman not go one week without trying to kill someone he loved? The moment Arthur left, Merlin sprinted to Gaius’s chambers to prepare his journeybag.</p><p>            <em>Alone and unaided, my ass</em>.</p><p>*</p><p>            Merlin wasn’t exactly surprised to find Gwaine on his back across the bar, about to be beaten by some very angry-looking brutes.</p><p>            “Hello, Gwaine,” he greeted cheerfully.</p><p>            “Ah! Merlin!” Gwaine’s eyes lit up. “How are you?”</p><p>            “Give me my money!” one of the angry men yelled, and before long Merlin and Gwaine found themselves running through the town, chased by several thugs, dodging and bumping into people every which way. They tried to hide from view, but their pursuers gained on them.</p><p>            “Gwaine, run!” </p><p>            “Remind me again what you’re doing here?” Gwaine asked as they moved.</p><p>            “Arthur’s in trouble and I need your help.”</p><p>            “What kind of trouble?” </p><p>            Just then, someone shouted, “<em>there!” </em>and they had to pick up speed.</p><p>            “He’s gone to the Perilous Lands.”</p><p>            “What, are you serious? Just now, that sounds pretty attractive. All right.”</p><p>            The two of them climbed onto a wall and looked down.</p><p>            “All right, go for the horses,” Gwaine instructed, and Merlin looked at the horses that stood beyond a stack of hay that looked much further below them than Merlin was comfortable with.</p><p>            “You have got to be joking.”</p><p>            Gwaine shrugged and, without further ado, threw Merlin over the edge of the wall. He landed with a grunt in the stack of hay, soon followed by Gwaine.</p><p>            They scrambled onto the horses and rode away, Gwaine laughing all the while as though this was the most fun he’d ever had.</p><p>            Oh, how Merlin had missed him.</p><p>*</p><p>            “Why were those men so angry with you?” Merlin asked a while later, as they rode through the forest.</p><p>            “It’s always the way in gambling,” Gwaine sighed dramatically. “You make a man a fool, he calls you a thief. How did you find me?”</p><p>            “Wasn’t easy,” Merlin said. “I’ve been in almost every tavern in Angard.”</p><p>            Gwaine grinned. “So have I.”</p><p>            They laughed, and their good mood lasted for a surprising long while, until they could see the border of a vast desert landscape in the distance, and reality set in.</p><p>            “This is it,” Gwaine said. “On the other side of the forest lie the Perilous Lands.”</p><p>            “Doesn’t look too friendly.”</p><p>            “That’s because it’s not. Believe me, it’s wretched.”</p><p>            “How would you know?” Merlin asked. “You’ve never been there.”</p><p>            “I’ve travelled to many places, Merlin.”<br/>           <br/>            “Not the Perilous Lands, I know that.”</p><p>            “Why?” Gwaine asked.</p><p>            Merlin grinned. “There aren’t any taverns.”</p><p>            Gwaine laughed. “I told you it was wretched!”</p><p>*</p><p>            Camping in the Perilous Lands at night was as unsettling as Merlin expected. They sat by the fire and listened to distant sounds of squealing roars.</p><p>            “What was that?” Merlin asked.</p><p>            “Pheasant,” Gwaine replied. Merlin couldn’t tell if he was just joking or deflecting.</p><p>            “Pheasant?”</p><p>            “Very big one.” Gwaine picked up his sword – deflecting, then.</p><p>            “You can turn back if you want.”</p><p>            “Heh, I’m not scared of pheasants.”</p><p>            Merlin fought the urge to roll his eyes. “I don’t know. Why do you want to do this?”</p><p>            “Same reason as you,” Gwen said. “Help a friend.”</p><p>            “Arthur’s lucky to have us,” Merlin agreed.</p><p>            “Not Arthur.”</p><p>            Merlin looked up from the fire and found Gwaine looking at him sincerely. He smiled. “I’d do the same for you.”</p><p>            “Well, I’d hope so,” Gwaine said. “You’re the only friend I’ve got.”</p><p>            “I’m not surprised!”</p><p>            Gwaine’s responding laugh was drowned out with more, louder roars in the distance.</p><p>            “That sounds more like three pheasants.” </p><p>            “At least.”</p><p>*</p><p>            Merlin could sing with relief when he and Gwaine finally made it within sight of the dark tower. And what a sight it was.</p><p>            “What’s that in the sky?” Gwaine asked, referring to the large shapes moving around the tower. “They’re not birds.”</p><p>            “I’ve never seen creatures like that.”</p><p>            “It’s like they’re hunting something,” Gwaine pointed out just before they both saw a flash of light reflecting off something below the creatures.</p><p>            “What was that?” </p><p>            “Sword,” Gwaine said, confirming Merlin's suspicion.</p><p>            “It’s Arthur.”</p><p>            The two of them took off towards the tower as fast as they could. They saw Arthur try to fight of the flying creatures, looking like he was about to drop. Morgana's bracelet must be taking a toll.</p><p>            “I should’ve known,” Gwaine said upon closer inspection of the creatures. Merlin thought they looked familiar.</p><p>            “What are they?”</p><p>            “Wyverns. Distant cousins of the dragon. They’re creatures of magic, so be careful.”</p><p>            Gwaine sounded concerned, but Merlin could laugh at their luck. He needed to separate from Gwaine, fast.</p><p>            “Let’s split up.” He didn’t wait for an answer.</p><p>            There was no telling how long Arthur could defend himself against the wyverns while wearing the bracelet. When Merlin finally found him, it was nearly too late. Arthur was passed out on the ground with the wyverns heading directly for him.</p><p>            Merlin jumped between Arthur and the creatures and put every ounce of authority he had into the dragontongue as he ordered them to stand down and leave. They bowed and departed without any problems.</p><p>            Merlin couldn’t get the Phoenix Eye off Arthur’s wrist fast enough. As soon as it was off, Arthur’s eyes started fluttering open. For one moment, when he looked at Merlin, Arthur’s eyes were soft and warm and Merlin thought he might smile. Then Arthur’s expression turned into confusion and then rage as he came back to himself.</p><p>            “What the hell are you doing here?” he shouted.</p><p>            “Why can you never just say thanks?”</p><p>            “Thanks?! What? For completely ruining the quest?!”</p><p>            “Well, it’s a good job I was here to ruin it, otherwise you’d be wyvern fodder by now.”</p><p>            “How many times do I have to get it into your thick skull?” Arthur yelled. “I am supposed to be doing this alone!”</p><p>            Another wyvern caught them both by surprise, screeching from behind Merlin. Gwaine appeared and stabbed it in the back before Merlin had to make a decision about what to do. </p><p>            “Great!” Arthur exclaimed once the wyvern was disposed of. “This just gets better and better. Are Gwen and Morgana here, too? Are we going to have a surprise party?”</p><p>            “There’s more wyverns on their way,” Gwaine said, not the least bit put off by Arthur’s blustering. “We need to get out of here.”</p><p>            “I’m not leaving without the trident,” Arthur insisted. “It was the whole point of this quest.”</p><p>            “Do you want us to help you,” Merlin asked with as much snip as he could manage, “or do you want to do this alone?”</p><p>            Arthur was already moving towards the staircase and shouted for Merlin to follow. Merlin grinned, Gwaine rolled his eyes, and they both went after him.<br/>            “Do you know where the trident is?” Merlin asked Arthur as they walked up the winding staircase.</p><p>            “If I did, there wouldn’t be a problem, would there?”</p><p>            “Any clues you can give us?”</p><p>            “This is a quest, Merlin, not a treasure hunt,” Arthur huffed.</p><p>            “Well, it is, sort of…”</p><p>            “Merlin!”</p><p>            He took that as an indication to search quietly. Later, a room beyond an open door caught Merlin’s attention as they came up the spiral staircase.</p><p>            “Look at this. Looks like a throne room!”</p><p>            “If the trident’s going to be anywhere,” Arthur agreed.</p><p>            Merlin walked over the threshold into the room. A subtle noise was all the hint he got before the sound of moving stone, and then Gwaine pushed Merlin forward into the throne room just in time to avoid being squashed by a trap door, sealing him in, alone.</p><p>*</p><p>            “Merlin?!” Gwaine pounded at the door.</p><p>            “Merlin?!” Arthur echoed. “You alright?”</p><p>            They pressed their ears against the door, barely hearing him shout back on the other side. <em>He’s alright, </em>Arthur told his pounding heart.</p><p>            “There’s got to be a way to open this.” Gwaine searched around the edges of the trap door. Arthur did the same, time seeming to move at snail speed as the both of them combed every surface they could find for a way through.</p><p>            <em>He’s alright,</em> Arthur repeated to himself as he fought to remain calm. <em>The room had windows, light, he’s not suffocating. </em>Though the more he tried to assure himself, the faster his heart hammered against his chest.</p><p>            Finally, Arthur came across a loose brick in the wall.</p><p>            “Here! I’m sure if we just reach in here…” He pulled out the brick and watched as dozens of bugs came pouring out of the opening.  “…we’ll be able to find something to release the door.”</p><p>            “Go on then,” Gwaine encouraged, enjoying this too much. He gave Arthur a solid slap on the back. “Don’t be such a princess. It’s your quest, after all.”</p><p>            <em>The things I’ll do for you, Merlin, </em>Arthur thought before pulling his glove tight and reaching into the insect-infested hole. He searched around until he found something like a lever. A slight application of pressure, and the stone door started to slide open.</p><p>            Arthur rolled under the door before it was all the way up. “Merlin!”</p><p>            He wanted to run to him and check every surface of his body for injuries, but realizing that wasn’t precisely the message he was trying to send, he just smiled at Merlin and gave him a friendly slap on the arm. Then he spotted what he was looking for on the floor.</p><p>            “Hah!” He picked up the Fisher King’s trident. “Look what I found!”</p><p>            He turned back to see Gwaine embracing Merlin with warmth and affection, and a tight knot of something he refused to call jealousy tied up in his chest.</p><p>            “Let’s get out of this place,” he declared, and walked right by them towards the stairs. He ignored the sound of Gwaine scoffing behind him, but he hadn’t missed the radiating grin on Merlin’s face.</p><p>*</p><p>            Gwaine and Merlin sat by their campsite in the woods. Arthur had gone off to try to find some decent meat for their supper, and Merlin noticed Gwaine was staring at him through the fire.</p><p>            “What?” he asked and took a sip from his water pouch.</p><p>            “So,” Gwaine said. “Magic, is it?”</p><p>            Merlin coughed and nearly choked on his water, spluttering for a long time until he could breathe. Gwaine just kept staring calmly at him across the flames. He didn’t look angry or upset, but rather amused.</p><p>            “Don’t bother denying it,” he added. “I saw you send those wyverns away, and not using any language I’ve ever heard.”</p><p>            Sometimes Merlin thought Gaius really did have a point about it being a miracle that he still had a head attached to his shoulders.</p><p>            “Gwaine–“</p><p>            “You’ve saved my backside countless times, Merlin,” Gwaine interrupted him. “You’ve been a true friend and I trust you with my life. Surely you know this doesn’t change that.” Merlin was afraid to breathe for fear he might say the wrong thing.</p><p>            “Does Arthur know?” his friend asked.</p><p>            Merlin swallowed. This was <em>Gwaine</em>, he reminded himself. “No. He can’t know. Magic is outlawed. Uther would have my head.”</p><p>            “And you think Arthur would tell him?”</p><p>            “I know I can’t force him to make that choice,” Merlin said quietly. “And I don’t want to leave Camelot so…My secrets are all I have.”</p><p>            “Well, they’re safe with me,” Gwaine said. “But I don’t much like the idea of you having to hide.”</p><p>            “It’s not so bad, really,” Merlin tried to joke. “Imagine how much more work he’d give me if Arthur knew I could wash his shirt and polish his armour at the same time.”</p><p>            Gwaine laughed, a glint in his eyes. “Oh, yes, I bet the princess would find all kinds of new uses for you.”</p><p>            Merlin coughed at his tone, but was saved from having to reply to it by Arthur returning with a dead rabbit. Merlin held his breath for a long time after, but Gwaine was true to his word, and didn’t say a single thing about magic.</p><p>*</p><p>            The next day, their horses came to a stop on the edge of a field.</p><p>            “This is the border,” Gwaine said. “By Uther’s decree, I can go no further.”</p><p>            “I’m sorry, Gwaine. There’s nothing I can do to change that.”</p><p>            “Maybe one day,” Merlin commented hopefully.</p><p>            Gwaine grinned. “Yeah. When Camelot gets itself a half-decent king.”</p><p>            “Careful,” Arthur warned, but Merlin could tell he was fighting a smile. “He is my father.”</p><p>            “Well, you can’t have everything, eh?” Gwaine said, and Merlin tried to cover his laugh with a cough. Judging from Arthur’s amused glare, it didn’t work.</p><p>            “Where will you go this time?” Merlin asked.</p><p>            Gwaine licked two fingers and stuck them in the air. “I think I’ll ride south.”</p><p>            “You can’t keep living like that,” Merlin pointed out.</p><p>            “Yeah. But it’s fun trying.”</p><p>            Arthur nudged his horse forward, indicating the end of their goodbyes.</p><p>            “Thanks, Gwaine,” Merlin said, wishing he had words to convey the exact nature of his gratitude. Gwaine gave him a meaningful smile and nodded.</p><p>            “I’ll remember this, Gwaine,” Arthur said, and with a final wave, Gwaine rode off.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments brings air to my lungs and joy to my heart, but thanks for reading even if you don't leave those! ♥️</p><p>You can come shriek at me about multiple fandoms on tumblr @raincs and I hope you're being kind and taking care of yourself in these hard times. Did you take your meds today? 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. S3E9 - Love in the Time of Dragons</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is a re-imagining of certain chosen scenes from episode 9, series 3 of BBC Merlin - Love in the Time of Dragons.</p><p>Arthur doesn't like watching Merlin so torn up about his argument with Gaius.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry, this is super short and ends rather abruptly because I didn't feel a strong urge to include any of the other scenes &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            “Run!” Arthur shouted, and his polearm struck the target, knocking Merlin to the ground beneath it. Arthur ran up to him. “You’re meant to bob, Merlin, weave. You might as well be a barn door.”</p><p>            He helped Merlin to his feet, and all he got was a grumbled reply. Something was definitely wrong – Arthur could recognise all the signs of Merlin pouting.</p><p>            “For goodness sake, what is your problem?” Asking sincerely wouldn’t do, so yanking it out of him was the only way to still Arthur’s concern.</p><p>            “Nothing,” Merlin mumbled.</p><p>            “Right. Well, either you tell me, or we go back to the lance and hoops.”</p><p>            Merlin hated the lance and hoops. “Gaius and me. We…had a bit of a falling out.”</p><p>Oh. “Look, I row with my father all the time,” Arthur tried. “You should do what I do; just lie low and wait till he comes to his senses.”</p><p>            He knew that advice wasn’t good for much. The relationship between Gaius and Merlin was so different from his own to Uther. Sometimes, though he hated to admit it, he felt a pang of jealousy at how openly Gaius showed Merlin affection, praised and supported him. Their arguments were surely much different than fights with the King.</p><p>            Arthur’s voice gentled. “It’ll soon blow over.”</p><p>            “No,” Merlin said sadly. “I don’t think so, somehow.”</p><p>            It was a bad one, then. Merlin looked crestfallen, like he wasn’t certain what to do with himself. Arthur wanted to comfort him properly, even if it was only a touch to his arm, but he knew even that would be too much of an indulgence.</p><p>            Instead he awkwardly punched Merlin in the arm. “Oh, cheer up, will you?” He sounded ridiculous, and Merlin’s expression confirmed it.</p><p>            “How is punching me in the arm meant to cheer me up?”</p><p>            “It works with the knights.”</p><p>            “Well, they’re thick, aren’t they?”</p><p>            Arthur glared at him. “I’m a knight.”</p><p>            “There you go, then,” Merlin said, and Arthur punched him again for good measure. At least now, Merlin was smiling.</p><p>*</p><p>            Arthur sat by Uther’s bedside, watching his father unmoving form with concern. “It doesn’t make any sense,” he mused to himself. “His food and wine are tasted each and every meal. It’s brought here under armed guard. No one can interfere with it in any way.” Arthur wracked his brain. “So, it can’t be his food and drink. The only other thing he’s had is…”</p><p>            Arthur trailed off, his gaze snapping to Merlin. Merlin was already staring at him, concern in his eyes and worrying his hands together.</p><p>            “Gaius’s remedy,” Arthur finished. This had something to do with their disagreement, he realized. It must have.</p><p>            “Arthur,” Merlin's voice was shaking. “I think I know what happened. I think…I know who did this.”</p><p>            Merlin told him, about Gaius’s old friend and his suspicions about her. With every word, Arthur could see Merlin second-guess himself. Once he finished, he looked like he regretted ever opening his mouth. Arthur couldn’t help it.</p><p>            He placed a hand on each of Merlin’s arms and forced him to meet his gaze. “Listen to me, Merlin,” he said, as sincerely as he dared. “You’re doing the right thing, alright? This woman is clearly dangerous. You telling me means that Gaius will not take the blame for her actions. Do you understand? You did the right thing.”</p><p>            Merlin kept swallowing, but he kept his eyes trained on Arthur. After a long moment, Merlin finally nodded. The panicked regret in his eyes was slowly replaced with molten blue determination. Arthur let go of him and took a step back, feeling the distance like an arrow yanked from his body.</p><p>            “Good,” he said, and left for Gaius’s chambers.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments brings air to my lungs and joy to my heart, but thanks for reading even if you don't leave those! ♥️</p><p>You can come shriek at me about multiple fandoms on tumblr @raincs and I hope you're being kind and taking care of yourself in these hard times. Did you take your meds today? 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. S3E10 - Queen of Hearts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is a re-imagining of certain chosen scenes from episode 10, series 3 of BBC Merlin - Queen of Hearts.</p><p>Gwen's life is at stake, Merlin can't stop being the hero, and Arthur has a lot of Angst.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Writing Arthur and Gwen's friendship the way they deserve gives me so much life, I hope you enjoy it half as much as I do!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            “First Merlin, briefly Lancelot, and now Morgana.” Arthur lay on his back, staring at the sunlight streaming through the branches. “Am I missing something? Have we in fact been courting this whole time, stealing kisses in corners and exchanging longing looks in public? Have I somehow just forgotten?”</p><p>            Gwen laughed loudly from her place on the other side of the blanket. “I certainly hope not, though perhaps you’re not exactly helping with letting people arrange secret meetings like this for us.”</p><p>            “Oh, it’s just Morgana being a romantic,” Arthur waved it away. “I couldn’t embarrass her by saying she was wrong.”</p><p>            “And letting Merlin set up this whole picnic?"</p><p>            “We told him he was welcome to join us! Is it my fault if he thought I was joking?”</p><p>            “You don’t seriously expect me to answer that, do you?”</p><p>             Arthur chuckled. “Alright, fair enough. But I did want him to stay, you know. We don’t get a lot of opportunities like this, any of us.”</p><p>            “Indeed we don’t.”</p><p>            Arthur looked up at the sound of sadness in Gwen’s voice. She was staring off into the trees at nothing in particular, and Arthur recognised the look in her eyes when she was thinking about Lancelot.</p><p>            “Where do you think he is right now?” Arthur asked. Gwen’s eyes snapped back to him and she realized she’d been caught.</p><p>            “I have no idea. I just hope that wherever he is, he is keeping himself from getting into too much trouble.”</p><p>            “Well, I’m sure he’s trying to, anyway,” Arthur said. Gwen smiled.</p><p>            “It feels different, doesn’t it? Being away from Camelot?” She looked around the clearing, where there were only birds and critters to observe them. “Talking about Lancelot and Merlin out here, it is almost as though we really are just two friends enjoying a picnic.”</p><p>            “A <em>clandestine</em> picnic,” Arthur poined out. “Where everyone who knows about it thinks we’re hopeless, star-crossed lovers.”</p><p>            Gwen laughed. “We are star-crossed lovers,” she said. “Just not with each other.”</p><p>            Arthur leaned back down and thought about her words. “It does feel different,” he agreed. “I love Camelot more than I can say, but when I’m there, sometimes I feel I can hardly breathe. Everyone expects so much of me. Here? I can be myself.”</p><p>            “You deserve the chance to be yourself more often,” Gwen said. “You’re my best friend, Arthur; I like seeing you at ease with yourself.”</p><p>            “I’m a prince, Gwen. Being myself isn’t necessarily compatible with my duties.” He paused for a moment. “You know, sometimes I dream of leaving Camelot.”</p><p>            “Really? Where would you go?”</p><p>            “I don’t know. Somewhere where nobody knew who I was. I’d get some land and become a farmer.”</p><p>            Gwen spluttered a laugh. “I can hardly see you toiling away in the fields all day.”</p><p>            “Obviously I’d take Merlin with me.” Arthur's heart raced excitedly at the idea. “He can do all the hard work.”</p><p>            “I’m sure he’d love that,” Gwen said sincerely. “Having you ordering him around all day on a farm instead of in a palace, in a place where he could actually–” She cut herself off. “Sorry.”</p><p>            “No, it’s alright. It feels nice to be able to dream it out loud, you know? Almost makes it sound less impossible.” He sighed. “But it is just a dream. I fear I will never leave Camelot.”</p><p>            “And Merlin will be by your side, even so,” Gwen reminded him.</p><p>            “Not the way I wish he could be.” Arthur sat up. “I wonder if it really would be easier if it was you and me.”</p><p>            “You mean if we had any romantic feelings for each other whatsoever, or were any more attracted to each other than we would be to our own family?” Gwen mocked.</p><p>            Arthur made a face of disgust. “Precisely. I mean, if everyone keeps seeing us that way, surely there must be some reason for it, right?”</p><p>            “Well, we are both very pretty,” Gwen pointed out, and Arthur laughed.</p><p>            “That must be it.” </p><p>            “Do you think there’s any world where we would’ve?” she asked. “Been together?”</p><p>            “You never know. There might be a world where I could imagine kissing you without feeling like I was thinking about my sister.”</p><p>            Gwen chuckled. “Perhaps there is, but I’m glad that world isn’t this one. I wouldn’t alter the friendship we have for anything, Arthur.”</p><p>            He smiled and took Gwen’s hand, bringing it to his lips and placing a small, affectionate kiss to it. “I couldn’t agree more.”</p><p>            That, of course, was the moment where Uther and Morgana rode into the clearing.</p><p>*</p><p>            Everything that could have gone wrong, had gone wrong. Trying to convince his father that he had no feelings for Gwen may have worked if he hadn’t threatened banishment. Arthur couldn’t allow his father to banish his best friend, so he spoke up like a fool.</p><p>            And then the poultice. Where on earth had that come from?</p><p>            Arthur had experienced an enchantment before. He vaguely remembered his thoughts and feelings seeming like they were controlling his body, like he wasn’t the one deciding which way his mind was going, and he remembered the fogginess in his mind when he returned to himself. <em>And the magical lips that were moving against his.</em></p><p>He didn’t feel anything like that now. His mind was clear, he knew that he was under his own control. They were being set up somehow, and Arthur couldn’t imagine who would do such a thing, let alone why. What possible good could come from getting rid of Gwen? She wasn’t a threat to anyone.</p><p>            And now she was locked in the dungeons because they had been foolish and let themselves relax and pretend they were normal people under normal circumstances.</p><p>            For one moment, he thought perhaps things would clear themselves up when he came across an old man in his chambers, one who seemed about to be doing magic over Arthur’s bed. Arthur pressed a sword to the man’s back.</p><p>            “Show yourself. Who are you?”</p><p>            “I am…” The old man turned around. “Dragoon the Great!”</p><p>            Arthur blinked at the wrinkled face in front of him. It looked extremely familiar in a way he couldn’t quite place.</p><p>            “Is it you who planted the poultice in my bed?”</p><p>            “You have caught me red-handed! I have no choice but to confess.”</p><p>            Arthur held the sword to the old man’s chest. “An innocent girl almost died because of your actions.” Whatever those actions were. Arthur still didn’t feel like he was enchanted.        </p><p>            “I suppose your father will have to release her now that you’ve caught me,” the old man snickered. His blue eyes glinted playfully and Arthur nearly dropped the sword.</p><p>            <em>Out of all the stupid, asinine, impossibly insane things, </em>Arthur thought, and if his guards weren’t behind him he would have lost it right there and let all his knowledge spill in effort to find out what on earth Merlin was thinking.</p><p>            Because this strange old man in front of him <em>was</em> Merlin. No one else dared look at Arthur with that kind of mockery in their eyes.</p><p>            Before Arthur could decide on an action, the old Merlin in front of him uttered two strange words, and next thing Arthur was on the floor, guards already chasing after the old man through the halls, and it was too late for him to stop it.</p><p>*</p><p>            The old man had been dragged before the King before Arthur could do anything about it. “Dragoon the Great” confessed with almost no prompting to being responsible for the poultice, and Arthur was too confused to know what to do, so he just stood there.</p><p>            <em>He has a plan</em>, Arthur told himself. <em>He wouldn’t do something this stupid without a plan. Just trust him. He has a plan. He must have.</em></p><p>            “Have I wronged you in some way, old man?” Uther asked, looking at Merlin on his knees before him. Merlin did not look away, or even blink.</p><p>            “You have wronged so many people in so many ways.” There was an undeniable strength and authority to his frail old voice. “You’re blinded by your hatred of magic. You have tortured and executed innocent people. You, Uther Pendragon, are a stupid, arrogant old tyrant!”</p><p>            Arthur wondered how long Merlin had longed to say those very words to Uther Pendragon. He couldn’t believe either the bravery or the stupidity. To stare down the King even as he kneeled before him… <em>Only Merlin.</em></p><p>“This serving girl,” Uther asked. “Is she your accomplice?”</p><p>            “I enchanted her too,” Merlin said quickly. “The girl is entirely innocent.”</p><p>            He was really doing this, Arthur thought. Merlin was truly playing this lethal charade to keep Gwen from harm. Arthur knew that Merlin cared for Gwen as much as he did, yet he couldn’t help but wonder. Was Merlin also doing this for <em>him</em>? Because he thought that Arthur’s reasons for wanting Gwen safe were different from Merlin’s?</p><p>            <em>You loving, brave idiot.</em></p><p>“My Lord,” Arthur finally found his voice. “He has confessed.”</p><p>            He wasn’t about to let Merlin’s gambit be for nothing. Uther looked at the poultice in his hand and seemed almost disappointed with this turn of events.</p><p>            “Release the girl. Tomorrow at dawn, you will take your place on the pyre,” Uther said to Merlin, and Arthur’s heart nearly stopped. Those were the exact words he had been dreading to hear. Images from his nightmares of Merlin’s scorched flesh and tormented screams threatened to overwhelm him.</p><p>            He fled the room as soon as he could.</p><p>            <em>Merlin has a plan</em>, Arthur reminded himself. <em>He has to have a plan.</em></p><p>*</p><p>            Why the hell was Merlin still in the dungeon looking like an old man? Why hadn’t he made some miraculous escape by now? Arthur kept making it halfway to Gaius’s chambers, meaning to demand to know what was going on, but he turned back every time.</p><p>            He wanted to find Gwen, but knew that his father would still be keeping an eye on her, and he couldn’t risk putting her in further danger. Did she know what Merlin was doing?</p><p>            Gods, how had he allowed their lives to become so complicated?</p><p>*</p><p>            “You have been found guilty of using magic and enchantments,” Uther’s voice rang over the Square as guard escorted Merlin towards the pure. “In accordance with our laws, you will be burned at the stake. Let this serve as a lesson to all those who seek to destroy Camelot.”</p><p>            <em>Any minute now, Merlin</em>, Arthur thought, his heart galloping and his hands trembling. As the guards moved Merlin closer to the pyre, Arthur found one of his hands drifting to his side, resting on the hilt of his sword.</p><p>            <em>Please, Merlin</em>, he thought. <em>Please save yourself.</em></p><p>If he didn’t, Arthur knew he couldn’t just stand by and watch him burn, as helpless as he had been in his nightmares. Arthur knew in that moment, no matter what, if Merlin was tied to that pole, Arthur would set him free. Cost him what it will.</p><p>            He could have cheered when Merlin threw himself at Gaius, shouting curses upon the crowd.</p><p>            That was planned. It had to be planned.</p><p>            “I will have my revenge!” Merlin shouted as the guards kept dragging him, and then the pyre seemed to spontaneously burst into flames. Merlin shook himself loose from the guards and pushed through the crowd.</p><p>            “After him!” the King ordered. Arthur couldn’t justify disobeying, so he followed. They chased the old Merlin through corridors of the palace, Arthur doing everything he could to slow his team.</p><p>            When they rounded the corner to a dead end, Arthur saw Merlin looking very much like himself, obviously trying to hide something behind his back and looking like he was disoriented – or drunk out of his mind.</p><p>            Arthur could have kissed him. He nearly did. But they had appearances to keep up.</p><p>            “Merlin, where’s the sorcerer?”</p><p>            “He w…” Merlin coughed and cleared his throat. “Erm, he went that way.”</p><p>            He pointed to the solid wall behind him. Arthur wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. “Sound the warning bell,” he told the guards. “Search the entire palace. I want him found.” Arthur stared at Merlin wearing his usual face, and the relief he felt reminded him how terrified he had been just moments before.</p><p>            “Are you telling me you let him run straight past you?” He needed to cover up his true feelings and didn't know how else to do it.</p><p>            “He was—he was too fast for me.” Merlin was clearly still disoriented.</p><p>            “He’s a doddery old man!” Arthur decided the best way he could teach Merlin a lesson for being so stupidly brave was to accept Gaius’s lie at face value. “This is what happens when you spend all day in the tavern.”</p><p>            “What?”</p><p>            “Perhaps mucking out my horses will help sober you up!”</p><p>            And I’ll know where you are, Arthur thought. He never wanted to let Merlin out of his sight ever again. Out of all the ways Merlin had saved him over the years, this was the one that made Arthur truly angry at Merlin for lying about his magic.</p><p>*</p><p>            When Gwen found him that night, Arthur was seated at his desk with his face in his hands. He looked up long enough to see it was her, and then hid again.</p><p>            “I’m glad you’re alright,” he said. “I’m sorry you were put in danger because of our friendship.”</p><p>            “I am alive and well now,” Gwen assured him. She leaned against the desk and rested a hand on his elbow. “Your friendship is worth a few risks.”</p><p>            “Do you know what he did?”</p><p>            “I saw them throw him in a cell as they escorted me out,” she replied. “I thought he looked familiar but didn’t think much of it, until I learned that he confessed. Then I knew it couldn’t be anyone else.”</p><p>            “He stood face to face with the King and called him a tyrant.” Arthur choked out the words. “I saw him on his way to the pyre, Gwen. My hand was on my sword, I was ready to commit treason before all of Camelot to save him if he hadn’t saved himself. It was so close. Too close.”</p><p>            “But he is alive,” Gwen reminded him. “And back to himself.”</p><p>            “He was moments away from being burned, Gwen!” Arthur shot up from his desk. “Condemned for his magic! The exact fate I’ve been trying to protect him from, and I just stood there and let him get dragged towards the pyre.”</p><p>            Gwen’s arms were around him before he even realised there were tears running down his face. He wanted to rage and shout, but he let Gwen run her hand up and down his back and tell him it was alright until he found he could breathe again.</p><p>            “You have to tell him, Arthur,” she said without letting him go. “You’re both owed that much. How can anything change if you are both too afraid to take the first step?”</p><p>            “I know,” Arthur said. “I know.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments brings air to my lungs and joy to my heart, but thanks for reading even if you don't leave those! ♥️</p><p>You can come shriek at me about multiple fandoms on tumblr @raincs and I hope you're being kind and taking care of yourself in these hard times. Did you take your meds today? 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. S3E11 - The Sorcerer's Shadow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is a re-imagining of certain chosen scenes from episode 11, series 3 of BBC Merlin - The Sorcerer's Shadow.</p><p>Merlin is torn, Arthur is proud.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Another short one, sorry about that!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>            It’s lonely…To be more powerful than any man you know and have to live like a shadow. To be special and have to pretend you’re a fool. I know how it feels</em>.</p><p>            The words he'd said to Gilli still echoed in his ears, he could still taste them in his mouth. He couldn’t shake them as he moved around Arthur’s chambers, performing his usual duties. He thought he hid his emotions quite well, but evidently he was wrong.</p><p>            “Merlin, have you listened to a word I’ve said?”</p><p>            “What?” Merlin looked at Arthur in surprise, which in turn answered the question. Arthur was sat at his desk, finishing up with some task or another before bed.</p><p>            “Where is your head today?” Arthur asked. “You’re wandering around like a ghost.”</p><p>            “I just have a lot on my mind,” Merlin mumbled.</p><p>            “You’re not still obsessing about the tournament, are you? It’s really not the certain death you make it out to be.”</p><p>            “I’m not worried." He was, but that wasn’t what bothered him at the moment, so it didn’t feel like a lie.</p><p>            “Good,” Arthur said. “You shouldn’t be. Now tell me.”</p><p>            “Tell you what?”</p><p>            “What’s bothering you. I can’t get any work done with you brooding so loud.”</p><p>            “I am not brooding!” Merlin protested. “Just because you don’t know what thinking looks like...”</p><p>            “Come on, out with it.” It seemed Arthur was in one of his stubborn moods.</p><p>            “It’s nothing, really,” Merlin tried. “Just, I don’t know…Feeling a little unappreciated, I suppose.”</p><p>            “Is that your way of asking for a raise?”</p><p>            “What would I do with a raise?” Merlin grinned. “You never give me any time off to spend it.”</p><p>            “What, then?” Arthur asked, and Merlin got the feeling that the prince genuinely wanted to know, but had no idea how to inquire about the emotions of others.</p><p>            “You know those days when you find yourself questioning every decision you’ve made and wonder if anyone even noticed you were there? If anyone thinks very much of you at all? It’s just one of those days.”</p><p>            Merlin could feel Arthur staring, but he kept his back towards him while he worked. He wondered if Arthur ever <em>did</em> have those days.</p><p>            “I think quite highly of you, you know.” Arthur’s voice came softly from behind him, so soft that Merlin wasn’t even certain he was meant to hear it. He looked at Arthur, and found the prince’s blue eyes looking back. For once, Arthur wasn’t trying to hide his concern. There was nothing abrasive about his expression.</p><p>            Then Arthur cleared his throat and focused back on the papers in front of him. “You’re not getting a raise,” he mumbled, and Merlin smiled.</p><p>*</p><p>            Arthur wasn’t proud of himself, but that didn’t mean he was going to stop, either. When he saw Merlin rush towards the tavern where the boy, Gilli, was staying, Arthur followed. He wasn’t blind; he knew a young boy like that with no muscles to speak of didn’t reach the final of the tournament on sword skills alone. Merlin’s interest in the boy only confirmed Arthur’s suspicions. Magic was involved.</p><p>            So Arthur pulled on a cloak and followed Merlin to the tavern. He followed him to Gilli’s room and he stood still as a post outside the door as he listened. He trusted Merlin’s judgment in most things, but he had to know if this boy was a danger. He had killed a man in battle, after all.</p><p>            “I didn’t have a choice,” Merlin said inside the room.</p><p>            “You did what you had to do.” Gilli sounded furious. “And you betrayed your own kind.”</p><p>            “No, that was you.” Merlin’s voice was hard and intense and Arthur could imagine the look in his eyes that accompanied it. “You betrayed us. You’d won, but you were going to kill the King anyway?” Arthur nearly rushed through the door right then, but kept still. “There’s no honour in that. Come on, look inside yourself. You’re better than this. Magic is not meant for fighting. It’s not meant to bring you glory.”</p><p>            Merlin sounded like he truly believed that with all his heart. Arthur had seen it firsthand; Merlin never sought recognition for his actions. He never asked for glory, which, in any other kingdom under any other rule, would be rightfully his. Arthur knew Merlin was powerful; he could overthrow the entire kingdom if he wanted to. Yet it sounded like, when given the chance, he had stopped this other sorcerer from killing Uther - the man who caused Merlin so much torment.</p><p>            “I never understood my father,” he heard Gilli say. “I thought he was afraid of magic. But he wasn’t. He was afraid of what it can do, how it can corrupt. I know now that he was strong. Well, he was stronger than me…I’m sorry.”</p><p>            “I know it doesn’t seem like it now,” Merlin said, “but one day magic will be permitted once again. And when that day arrives, you’ll no longer have to hide who you are. Your gifts will be recognised. We, we will be free. And who knows; maybe then our paths will cross again.”</p><p>            Arthur’s heart beat so loud he barely heard Gilli’s reply.</p><p>            “We’re kin,” Merlin said.</p><p>            Merlin believed. He believed that magic would be permitted and that he could be free to be who he was. Arthur wondered if <em>he </em>was the one he had such faith in. Did he really believe Arthur could do it?</p><p>            Arthur hadn’t really known until right then, but he had been so hurt and furious with Merlin for insisting on keeping his secrets from Arthur. Now, though, Arthur realised that Merlin wasn’t planning on hiding forever. He was just waiting for the right time. Any resentment Arthur still harboured against Merlin for his secrets, vanished, forgiven.</p><p>            Arthur let himself well up with pride over every word Merlin had said to the boy, and then he retreated, knowing he was even more in love now than he had been an hour before.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments brings air to my lungs and joy to my heart, but thanks for reading even if you don't leave those! ♥️</p><p>You can come shriek at me about multiple fandoms on tumblr @raincs and I hope you're being kind and taking care of yourself in these hard times. Did you take your meds today? 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. S3E12/13 - The Coming of Arthur: Part One & Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is a re-imagining of certain chosen scenes from episodes 12 and 13, series 3 of BBC Merlin - The Coming of Arthur: Part One &amp; Two.</p><p>Camelot is threatened, and our heroes need to save it. There are... a *lot* of feelings.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            “We’re going to Cenred’s kingdom, aren’t we?” Merlin guessed. Arthur looked tense and Merlin was bored, so talking seemed like a good idea.</p><p>            “What makes you say that?”</p><p>            “Er, we’re in the Forest of Essetir and we’re not stopping.”</p><p>            “You can think what you like, Merlin,” Arthur said, which meant he was right.</p><p>            “Oh, come on,” Merlin pushed. “You might as well tell me.”</p><p>            “Then I’d have to kill you; I told you that.”</p><p>            “Go ahead. I mean, I’m probably going to die anyway. Look what happened to the patrol that came here! Dead, the lot of them!”</p><p>            “Sir Leon survived,” Arthur pointed out dryly.</p><p>            “Right, so that gives me, what? A one in forty chance of making it?”</p><p>            “Rather less, actually,” Arthur said. “There are only two of us.”</p><p>            “So I’m not <em>probably </em>going to die, I’m <em>definitely </em>going to die.”</p><p>            “Always the pessimist, Merlin.” Arthur glanced back at him with a small smile. “Who knows, maybe, just this once, we’ll have no trouble.”</p><p>            As if on cue, trouble immediately followed.</p><p>*</p><p>            Merlin woke up on a cold floor with Arthur and a crowd of strange men staring down at him. Arthur slapped him in the face even though he was already awake.</p><p>            “What was that you were saying about me being a pessimist?”</p><p>            “Must’ve slipped my mind.” Arthur took Merlin’s hand and helped him to his feet, when someone put a hand on Arthur’s shoulder. In a second, Arthur had the arm twisted in his grip without. “Touch me again, you die.”</p><p>            “Gwaine?!” Merlin exclaimed, and Arthur looked behind him in shock as if he thought Merlin was pulling one over on him. But there, in all his glory, stood Gwaine, shaking his head at Arthur.</p><p>            “No manners, you royals.” He beamed at Merlin. “Merlin, old friend, you look terrible.”</p><p>            “Likewise." Merlin grinned despite their situation.</p><p>            “What are you doing here?” Arthur asked.</p><p>            “Well, you know, wrong place, wrong time, wrong drink.”</p><p>            “Nothing’s changed there, then.”</p><p>            “That’s just not fair!” Gwaine exclaimed, covering his heart like he’d been shot with an arrow.</p><p>            “Where exactly are we?” Arthur asked.</p><p>            “The bell of an old castle,” Gwaine replied. “Belongs to a fellow named Jarl.”</p><p>            “Never heard of him.”</p><p>            “Lovely bloke. Slave trader.”</p><p>            “We’re going to be sold as <em>slaves</em>?” Merlin exclaimed.</p><p>            “Right, you filthy vermin,” came a booming voice from above them, and everyone looked up to see a big, mean-looking man staring down at them from a ledge. “Which one of you’s gonna face my champion in the arena?” He looked over the prisoners below him. “No volunteers? Well, I shall have to choose one of you toe-rags myself, then. Let’s see. How about you?”</p><p>            Merlin looked around him and realized the unfriendly gentleman – Jarl, he presumed – was looking directly at him. “Me?”</p><p>            “Death or glory, boy,” Jarl shouted. “You should be honoured.”</p><p>            “Who is this so-called champion?” Arthur spoke up beside him, and Merlin wanted to kick him in the stomach. Why did he always have to be so damn heroic? “Can he crush nothing but weaklings like this?”</p><p>            “You think you could offer a better contest?” Jarl took in Arthur with an intrigued expression.</p><p>            “I guarantee it.”</p><p>            “Arthur, <em>no</em>,” Merlin tried, but Arthur as good as ignored him.</p><p>            “Very well,” Jarl agreed. “But if you lose, I’ll feed your little friend to the crows, piece by stinking piece. Are you ready, my champion?” Jarl asked the crowd of prisoners.</p><p>            “I am,” Gwaine said sheepishly beside them.</p><p>            <em>Of course.</em></p><p>*</p><p>            Jarl tossed swords at Arthur and Gwaine’s feet. His men were gathered all around them, excited for the fight. Merlin was there as a witness, possibly so he could be fed to crows more efficiently.</p><p>            “Let the battle commence!”</p><p>            Arthur and Gwaine began, and even Merlin wasn’t entirely convinced of their acting until Gwaine gave Arthur a proper hit, and they both stepped up their game. Pretty quickly, though, Merlin realised that besides pretending to fight, the two of them didn’t really appear to have an exit strategy.</p><p>            With an exasperated sigh, Merlin muttered a fire spell.</p><p>            At least once chaos erupted, Gwaine and Arthur took advantage of it. They all ran.</p><p>*</p><p>            They heaved for breath when they stopped in the woods, a good distance away from their captors.</p><p>            “Well, that’s somewhere I’ll not be in a hurry to see again,” Gwaine said.</p><p>            “Best stay out of trouble, then,” Arthur commented.</p><p>            “I could say the same to you.” Gwaine looked between Arthur and Merlin.</p><p>            “You could do,” Merlin grinned, “but I wouldn’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”</p><p>            “Oh, come on! You must have done <em>something </em>to end up in a hole like that.”</p><p>            “Actually, we’re on a quest,” Arthur admitted.</p><p>            “We’re looking for the Cup of Life,” Merlin said, and received a smack in the head from Arthur. “Ow! What?”</p><p>            “What part of <em>secret</em> did you not understand?”</p><p>            Merlin shrugged. “It’s <em>Gwaine</em>!”</p><p>            “Gentlemen, gentlemen,” Gwaine said coolly. “It seems whatever it is that you’re after, you could use a little help.”</p><p>            Thankfully, Merlin thought, not even Arthur could argue that point.</p><p>*</p><p>            “So according to Merlin here,” Gwaine said, “if you tell me where the Cup is, you have to kill me.”</p><p>            “That’s correct,” Arthur confirmed. How had he been roped into letting Gwaine come along?</p><p>            “You may as well tell me, then. I mean, let’s be honest, you couldn’t kill me even if you wanted to.”</p><p>            “Yeah? Try me.”</p><p>            “I already did,” Gwaine said smugly. “Back in the arena. I had you banged to rights, did I not?”</p><p>            “That was just a game.”</p><p>            “Oh, a game, riiiight.” Gwaine laughed. “I won that game, did I not?”</p><p>            “No, you didn’t. One more minute…”</p><p>            “Oh, you flatt–“ Gwaine started, but Merlin cut him off.</p><p>            “One more minute and you both would’ve been dead! Neither of you won. Your plan was a half-baked disaster, and if it wasn’t for that fire we would all be pushing up daisies.”</p><p>            Merlin sped up, marching away with angry steps as if to prove his point. Gwaine and Arthur stared after him, then at each other, then back after Merlin.</p><p>            That was the first time Arthur had seen Merlin annoyed at not getting credit, and honestly, it was refreshing. Arthur grinned to himself as they started moving, mood very much improved.</p><p>*</p><p>            Gwaine and Merlin dropped to the ground beside Arthur’s unconscious form and inspected his wound. It didn’t look too bad, yet Arthur seemed to be in trouble.</p><p>            “Right,” Gwaine said. “That doesn’t look too great.”</p><p>            “Arrow must’ve been poisoned,” Merlin noted. “He’s got a fever; we need to keep him warm.”</p><p>            “I don’t get it. Why all this bother over a cup?”</p><p>            Merlin removed his jacket and put it over Arthur. “Because in the wrong hands, it can become a terrible weapon.”</p><p>            “Not so great Cenred’s got it, then.”</p><p>            Merlin looked at Gwaine. “It’s worse than you can possibly imagine.”</p><p>*</p><p>            “If I die collecting firewood, keep it to yourself,” Gwaine said with a grin. “I got my reputation to consider!”</p><p>            His friend walked off, leaving Merlin to do his magic alone. He didn’t waste any time and knelt over Arthur’s shivering body. He focused his magic and muttered a spell. After, he allowed himself to gently push the hair away from Arthur’s face, let his hand linger there for a long moment as he stared at the sleeping prince.</p><p>            “Come on, Arthur,” he whispered. “Come back to me.”</p><p>            Gwaine returned with more firewood, and Merlin hastily removed his hand, but he knew his friend had seen. Gwaine only gave him a sympathetic smile and for once in his life, said nothing.</p><p>*</p><p>            Gwaine and Merlin woke up to the sound of coughing, and Merlin knew Arthur was feeling better because he sounded annoyed in the way only Arthur could.</p><p>            “Where’s the Cup?” Arthur asked twice before Merlin managed to tell him, and not long after that, they were on their way back to Camelot.</p><p>*</p><p>            It didn’t escape Merlin’s notice that Arthur was struggling to stand. They'd made it to the palace, but Arthur hadn’t slowed down.</p><p>            “Where now?” Gwaine asked.</p><p>            “Now, er…Now we, er…” Arthur was starting to slur his words.</p><p>            “Arthur, you can’t go on.” Merlin was done indulging.</p><p>            “We must,” Arthur grunted. “We must find the others…”</p><p>            “You can’t go on without treatment!” Merlin turned. “Elyan?”</p><p>            “Yeah?”</p><p>            “Do you know your way to the dungeons?”</p><p>            “Yeah, I think so,” Elyan replied, and Merlin was very grateful that they had come across him.</p><p>            “Go with Gwaine,” he instructed. “See if you can find Gwen, the King, anyone.”</p><p>            “I’m going with them,” Arthur said and nearly collapsed onto the floor. Merlin wrapped his arm around him, supporting most of his weight</p><p>            “No, you’re not.”</p><p>            “That’s an order.”</p><p>            “To hell with your orders,” Merlin snapped. “You’re coming with me.”</p><p>            He practically dragged the hobbling Arthur to Gaius’s chambers, but the prince was himself enough to complain every step on the way.</p><p>            “You’re disobeying orders, Merlin,” he grunted when they got there. “I’ll have you in the stocks for this.”</p><p>            “Fine.” Merlin helped Arthur to sit. “Now, stay put and try not to move that leg.”</p><p>            Merlin started searching through Gaius’s things for the appropriate potions when he heard rattling coming from the cupboard. He grabbed Arthur’s sword and yanked open the door. He sagged with relief when he found Gaius hiding inside.</p><p>            “Merlin!” Gaius pulled him into an embrace.</p><p>            “Are you alright?”</p><p>            “All the better for seeing you.” A groan pulled both their attention to Arthur. </p><p>            "I tried to heal him using magic, but it didn’t work,” Merlin whispered to Gaius, who nodded and walked over to the prince.</p><p>            “This may hurt a bit, Sire,” he said by way of greeting, and inspected the wound. Arthur winced in pain, and Merlin resisted the urge to reach out and take his hand.</p><p>            “The wound’s infected,” Gaius declared. “I’ll have to redress the leg to reduce the inflammation.”</p><p>            “No, no, no, we haven’t got time,” Arthur protested. “Just give me something to keep going.”</p><p>            Gaius gave him a very disapproving look, but nodded reluctantly. “Yes, Sire.”</p><p>            Merlin wanted to throttle both of them, Arthur for being stubborn and Gaius for agreeing. As opposed to Merlin, Gaius actually followed the instructions of his prince. Gaius spent some time preparing a potion before handing it to Arthur. While he worked, he confirmed their fears about the army of immortals that had infiltrated and overtaken Camelot.</p><p>            “The effect will be instant, Sire,” Gaius explained when handing over the finished product. “But I cannot guarantee how long it’ll last.”</p><p>            “Thank you, Gaius,” Arthur managed, and Merlin worried at how much paler he had gotten in the last few minutes. However, shortly after downing the bottle’s contents, he seemed more like himself again. It helped that Gwaine and Elyan joined them.</p><p>            “The King, Sire,” Elyan said. “He’s alive.”</p><p>            “Where is he?”</p><p>            “They’re taking him to the throne room as we speak.”</p><p>            Arthur nodded. “This may be my last chance.”</p><p>            “Arthur, there’s too many of them!” Merlin argued. “You’ll never make it!”</p><p>            Arthur fixed him with a cold glare. “I won’t leave my father to die here alone.” He turned to the others. “Gwaine, Elyan, take Gaius and make your way to the woods beyond the castle.” He paused for a moment, giving all of them grateful looks. “I hope we meet again.”</p><p>            With one last look to Merlin, Gaius followed the younger men out. </p><p>           Arthur turned towards him, too, and hesitated. He was clearly considering something, eyes moving between Merlin’s eyes and lips, like Merlin had caught them doing a few times before.</p><p>            “Merlin, you should go with them,” he finally said, but Merlin felt his internal conflict. He could see it in the way his blue eyes became a little more vulnerable, a little less guarded. Arthur wanted Merlin to be safe, but he didn’t want to face this alone.</p><p>            <em>Clotpole, </em>Merlin thought. As if he would ever leave Arthur alone in this fight. Or any fight at all.</p><p>            “Nah,” he replied. “I’ve seen the woods already.”</p><p>             A radiant smile spread on Arthur’s face and he placed a hand gratefully, briefly, to Merlin’s shoulder, and then they were off sneaking through the corridors.</p><p>            Before long, though, Merlin could see the effects of Gaius’s potion wearing off. Arthur stumbled in his movements, but refused to slow down until they finally made it onto the balcony overseeing the throne room.</p><p>            They saw an Immortal soldier force Uther Pendragon to his knees in front of Morgause. Arthur moved as if he would jump off the balcony and fight them all single handedly, but Merlin managed to stop him.</p><p>            Instead, they both sat there and watched as Morgause removed Uther’s crown, taunting him, and then Merlin watched as horror and realization dawned on Arthur’s face when Morgana entered the room and took her seat on the throne. Merlin watched the pain etch itself into Arthur’s eyes and the fight go out of him as Morgause and her army forced Geoffrey to crown Morgana Pendragon, Queen of Camelot.</p><p>            He watched as the truth he had tried to protect Arthur from was revealed, and he hated himself even more for knowing he could have prevented it.</p><p>*</p><p>            Arthur hadn’t spoken, had barely moved or eaten since they took up shelter in the cave. He silently allowed Gaius to treat his wound, but not much else. That didn’t stop Merlin from trying to force him back to life. This time, he tried with a bowl of food.</p><p>            “It’s rat!” He hoped if he was enough of his irritating self he might get a rise, might see some fire back in those eyes he adored. “Oh, believe me, you’ve eaten far worse. I’ve definitely served you things I would never have touched, but you wolfed them down no problem.”</p><p>            “Merlin,” Arthur said, “for once, leave me in peace, please.”</p><p>            The please might have broken Merlin, except it was a response, a reaction, and he couldn’t pass up this chance. “I understand,” he tried softly. “Your father lied to you about Morgana. I don’t know why; I’m sure he had his reasons, but now is not the time for that. He’s still your father. He needs you. Camelot needs you.”</p><p>            <em>I need you.</em></p><p>“I’ve known her all my life,” Arthur finally replied, and he looked up at Merlin like he might hold all the answers he sought. “How could she do this to us?”</p><p>            <em>Because I failed her. </em>“I can’t answer that,” Merlin said. “But you have a duty to your father, to your people. You can’t give up on them now.”</p><p>            “We cannot defeat an immortal army.” Arthur sounded more frustrated and exhausted than Merlin had ever heard him.</p><p>            “We don’t know until we try,” he said, and turned to leave Arthur alone. He did note, though, that Arthur reluctantly picked up the bowl of food and ate it silently.</p><p>*</p><p>            Seeing Freya’s face again was bittersweet. Her smile from the small pool of water made him feel warm and happy, but the reminder that she was gone filled his heart with sadness. She suffered so unnecessarily in life, he thought. She did look more peaceful now. And she offered him help. She told him how to save everyone, and once again Merlin was eternally grateful to have known her.</p><p>*</p><p>            “You seem better,” Merlin commented happily the next morning, despite how rudely Arthur woke him up. It was just incredible to see him on his feet again.</p><p>            “You’re hopeless at a lot of things, Merlin,” Arthur replied. “Well, most things, in fact, but very occasionally, quite by accident, you say something useful.”</p><p>            “Really?”</p><p>            “Yesterday, amongst all your gibberish, you said something that, if I didn’t know you, I’d be completely fooled into thinking you were…”</p><p>            “What?” Merlin grinned.</p><p>            “Wise.” Arthur and Merlin looked at each other for a minute.</p><p>            “Nah,” Merlin said, and they both smiled. It was the best feeling, making Arthur smile. It only lasted for a moment, because then Gwen and Sir Lion arrived at their hiding place, shortly followed by Morgana’s soldiers, and they were all forced to flee.</p><p>            There wasn’t even time for happy reunions once Lancelot and his friend, Percival – the largest man Merlin had ever seen who didn’t also look like he wanted to kill him – joined them, though they all indulged for a moment when Lancelot wrapped Gwen in a tight embrace. Their hands laced together and, because they hadn’t a minute to lose, everyone kept moving.</p><p>            Only when they found themselves in an old, abandoned castle, could they could all breathe again. Merlin grinned from ear to ear as he watched Lancelot and Gwen retreat to a corner of the delapitated room, always touching, foreheads close, whispering to each other what he could only imagine were words of love. It warmed his soul to see them reunited, to see two people he cared for get a moment of the happiness they so deserved.</p><p>            It felt right to see them back at each other’s side.</p><p>            “Are you sure we’ll be safe in here?” Gaius asked, and Merlin managed to stop staring at his friends like their love was a drug.</p><p>            “This castle belonged to the ancient kings,” Arthur explained. “It’ll do for a while.”</p><p>            “Can’t be worse than that cave,” Elyan muttered. Merlin agreed.</p><p>            “Search the place,” Arthur ordered. “See what you can find.”</p><p>            Gwaine proudly presented some weapons he’d discovered, most of them old but some still useful. They all kept searching, until Merlin watched Arthur pull a large cloth away to reveal a round stone table. The prince stared at in awe.</p><p>            “Here!” Arthur called everyone’s attention. “Come and join me.”</p><p>            They all took seats around the table. Even Gwen and Lancelot left their bubble to sit with their friends, eying Arthur expectantly.</p><p>            “This table belonged to the ancient kings of Camelot,” Arthur explained. “A round table afforded no one man more importance than any other. They believed in equality in all things. So…it seems fitting that we revive this tradition now.” Arthur’s eyes travelled across every person at the table, lingering a second longer on Merlin before he continued. Determination blazed in Arthur’s eyes. “Without each of you, we would not be here. My father has languished in prison for too long. Tomorrow, I make my bid to rescue him. Are there any around this table who will join me?”</p><p>            Arthur hardly finished when Lancelot stood. “You taught me the values of being a knight,” he told Arthur. “The code by which a man should live his life. To fight with honour for justice, freedom, and all that is good. I believe in the world that you will build.”</p><p>            Gwen stood up beside him, holding Lancelot’s hand and looking warmly at Arthur. “You know my answer,” she said with a loving smile.</p><p>            Elyan rose to join them. “Even though I was a commoner, a nobody, you were willing to lay down your life for me, Arthur. It is now my turn to repay you.”</p><p>            Leon followed. “I have fought alongside you many times. There is no one that I would rather die for.”</p><p>            “I think we’ve no chance,” Gwaine declared, winked at Merlin, and got to his feet with a grin. “But I wouldn’t miss it for the world."</p><p>            Lancelot’s friend, Percival, stood next. “Your enemies are my enemies.”</p><p>            Merlin should have known that any friend of Lancelot must be just as noble and brave. He already liked this man with arms bigger than every muscle in Merlin’s body combined.</p><p>            “If you need an old man,” Gaius said and stood.</p><p>            Merlin felt an energy in the room, a kind of warmth and anticipation that came with the changing of something. This moment between them, it was altering something for the better. All of them coming together here, now; this was the beginning of something extraordinary. Merlin could feel it.</p><p>            “Merlin,” Arthur said, and Merlin remained in his seat, smirking.</p><p>            “No, don’t really fancy it.” Someone had to make sure Arthur’s head didn’t get any bigger.</p><p>            “You don’t have a choice, Merlin,” Arthur added, but when Merlin stood beside him, their eyes met and they both smiled, and Merlin thought perhaps he could see in his eyes all the things he didn’t say out loud. That Arthur was happy Merlin was there. That perhaps he didn’t think it would be the same without him.</p><p>            Arthur looked around at all their friends. “I want to thank you all for staying loyal to me in Camelot’s hour of need. And so...I’ll do something that my father won’t approve of.”</p><p>            Merlin watched in awe, his heart swelling with so much pride and love that he didn’t know how his chest could contain it, as he watched Lancelot, Gwaine, Percival and Elyan kneel at Arthur’s feet as, one by one, Arthur named them Knights of Camelot.</p><p>            <em>This, </em>Merlin thought. This is the Arthur they all believed in. The Arthur who inspired all those around him to rise above themselves and be better than they ever knew they could be. Arthur knew, like his father never did, that right and wrong were not always a matter of law. As he welcomed these men to fight at his side as equals, Merlin knew that every time he had spoken up on Arthur’s behalf to his enemies, every time he had believed even when things seemed too dark to conceive, he had been right.</p><p>            Arthur was the Once and Future King of Camelot, and Merlin’s love for him grew.</p><p>*</p><p>            Arthur wasn’t able to sleep, so he decided to take a walk around the castle to work off some energy. He didn’t make it many steps outside the room where they all slept, before he stopped at the sound of voices. Lancelot was seated on the floor, back against the wall, and Merlin was just sitting down beside him. Neither of them noticed Arthur enter the hall.</p><p>            “You’re a knight,” Merlin whispered to Lancelot. He sounded so happy, as if it was his own dream that had come true. “At last!”</p><p>            “But for how long?” Lancelot replied, not quite as optimistic as Merlin.</p><p>            “Who knows?”</p><p>            Lancelot leaned a little closer to Merlin, but their whispers still carried to where Arthur stood, listening like a curious schoolboy. He couldn't make himself step away.</p><p>            “What’re you planning?” Lancelot asked. “And don’t even think about lying; I know you too well.”</p><p>            “It’s too difficult to explain,” Merlin replied.</p><p>            “You can tell me.”</p><p>            Arthur’s heart sank. Lancelot knew. Lancelot knew about Merlin’s magic, and Merlin knew that he knew. He told Lancelot about his magic but not Arthur?</p><p>            “Morgana has the Cup of Life,” Merlin whispered. “If I can find it and empty it of the blood within, the army will be destroyed, and Morgana will be powerless.”</p><p>            Arthur couldn’t fathom when Merlin had time to learn all of this, but it sounded like a solid plan. Except–<br/>           <br/>            “Aren’t you forgetting something?" Lancelot asked. "The Cup is guarded by an immortal army.”</p><p>            “Aren’t <em>you</em> forgetting something?” Merlin countered. “I have magic.”</p><p>            Arthur nearly fell over. The truth he had known for so long just slipped easily from Merlin’s lips, a smile in his voice as he said it. Was this how he would have talked about his magic with Arthur, if he could? Relaxed and casual, like it was no different than discussing his clumsiness or efficiency for polishing armour?</p><p>            “It doesn’t make you immortal.”</p><p>           A pause. “No.”</p><p>            “You know, Merlin,” Lancelot said. “You’re the one Arthur should knight. You’re the bravest of us all and he doesn’t even know it.”</p><p>            The lump already in Arthur’s throat grew, and he blinked against the wetness in his eyes. He <em>did </em>know. He knew and it killed him that he couldn’t shout it to the world that Merlin was the bravest and strongest of any person he'd ever known. Still, as much as it hurt to know he couldn’t, Arthur found himself smiling.</p><p>            <em>Thank you, Lancelot</em>, he thought, <em>for telling him what I cannot. Not yet.</em></p><p>“He can’t. Not yet,” Merlin said, nearly echoing Arthur’s thoughts. “I want him to know. More than anything in this life, I want him to know. But for now; it’s impossible. That’s why I need to find a way to get the Cup without Arthur knowing.”</p><p>            “Leave that to me,” Lancelot whispered.</p><p>            Arthur slipped back into the chamber where the rest of their friends still slept. Returning to his bedroll, he noticed Gaius’s eyes were open, staring at the wall. Had he been listening too?</p><p>            Arthur lay on his back, eyes wandering across the cracks in the high ceiling.</p><p>            <em>More than anything in this life, I want him to know. But for now; it’s impossible.</em></p><p>Arthur turned those words over and over in his mind for long after both Lancelot and Merlin returned to sleep. Whatever reasons Merlin had for keeping his secrets from Arthur, it wasn't because he wanted to. Arthur knew how important Merlin’s magic was to him, and Merlin longed to share it with Arthur. Arthur longed for Merlin to share it.</p><p>            There had to be some way to put them both out of their misery.</p><p>*</p><p>            Merlin sat on the steps looking out over the courtyard when Arthur found him, and surprised Merlin by sitting down right beside him.</p><p>            “Have you seen the state of these boots?” he asked, which was less surprising.</p><p>            “Yeah.” Merlin grinned. “They’re <em>your</em> boots, you should go clean them.”</p><p>            He felt Arthur gaping at him. “Have you lost your mind?”</p><p>            “I thought you believed in equality,” Merlin teased.</p><p>            “I’m sorry?” Arthur must really be feeling the effects of the past few weeks for him to be so slow on the uptake.</p><p>            “At the round table, you said–”</p><p>            “Shut up, Merlin.” Arthur chuckled and shoved his arm against Merlin’s. He was surprised again when Arthur didn’t move further away; their arms remained close enough to be touching, just a little.   </p><p>            Merlin wasn’t about to pull away.</p><p>            “How’s your father?”</p><p>            Arthur was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know. All this…Morgana. It’s hit him hard.”</p><p>            “Perhaps we’re heading for a new time. You may need to take charge, become…become King.”</p><p>            Arthur’s silence stretched even longer. “Who knows what the future will bring." He paused. "Actually, I need to talk to you.”</p><p>            “We <em>are</em> talking,” Merlin pointed out, earning him another shove.<br/><br/>            “I just wanted to say…”</p><p>            Merlin looked at Arthur, and found the prince uncharacteristically swallowing, looking at his hands, struggling with his words. It wasn’t like Arthur to be so unsure, not for people to see, at least.</p><p>            “What?” Merlin encouraged gently.</p><p>            “I wanted to say thank you.”</p><p>             Merlin’s eyes widened in shock. “For what?”</p><p>             Arthur looked up then, seeming both frustrated and amused by Merlin’s reaction, though Merlin couldn’t imagine why. Whatever Merlin was expecting, what came out of Arthur’s mouth next wasn’t it.</p><p>             “Thank you for all that you’ve done. Not just for the past few days. I…” Arthur fumbled about for the right words. “I wanted to let you know that I…I see you. I see the things you do for…for me. And for Camelot. But there are…there are things that can’t be said, not now, not yet, not while my father’s laws still seem justified to so many people, but…I wanted you to know that I appreciate everything you do…around here.”</p><p>             Arthur trailed off, and Merlin thought that perhaps he was dreaming. Or perhaps he hit his head very hard during the fight over the Cup of Life.</p><p>            That had to be the explanation, because it was absolutely impossible that Arthur was saying what Merlin thought he was saying. But it didn’t sound like Arthur was complimenting his skills as a servant.</p><p>            “Why are you doing this?” Merlin heard himself whisper, and his voice trembled, and he wasn’t even certain how he managed to produce any sound at all when there was a storm inside of him.</p><p>             Arthur looked at him, looked at him so fiercely that Merlin didn’t have a choice but to look right back even though he could feel tears stinging and the urge to flee prickling under his skin. As if he could read it in his eyes, Arthur held out his hand and took Merlin’s as if in a handshake, but he held it tight, protectively.</p><p>            “I’m doing it because you deserve to hear it,” he said with an intensity Merlin had never heard. “You deserve much more, but this is all I can give for the moment. Do you understand?”</p><p>            And for once, Merlin did understand. He understood all at once that he had been very wrong about a great many things.</p><p>            Arthur <em>knew.</em></p><p>He knew, and from the look in his eyes he knew everything, every secret Merlin struggled so hard to keep from him every day. Arthur knew. How long had he known? He couldn’t ask that because he couldn’t say it out loud; that was what Arthur was telling him, but gods, how long had he known?</p><p>            Long enough to have decided to keep it to himself, Merlin realised. There was nothing anywhere in Arthur’s blue eyes or his hand gripping his that said that Arthur wanted Merlin dead for having magic. Quite the opposite, in fact.</p><p>            So many things passed between them, so many secrets they both had, their own secrets and each other’s secrets, but none of them said a word. They held each other’s gaze and their hands clenched the other’s and Merlin was terrified for all of ten heartbeats before the glint in Arthur’s eyes made him want to fly.</p><p>            Arthur knew, and he wanted Merlin alive, was protecting him by keeping this secret with him. Had he <em>been </em>protecting him, however long he had known? All this time, had they been protecting each other, dancing around something none of them could say out loud?</p><p>            “I understand,” Merlin said, voice still shaking but this time not with fear.</p><p>            This time his voice shook with an overwhelming sense of hope that one day, the unsaid words between them could be spoken.</p><p>            But for now, Arthur just smiled and let go of his hand, and Merlin watched in awe as he walked down to the courtyard to greet Gwen and his new knights as they arrived.</p><p><em>            Yes, </em>Merlin thought to himself<em>. This </em>is<em> the beginning of something extraordinary.</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well! That's season 3. If you liked this final episode, you'll absolutely love season 4 - I just need to finish writing it! I hope you're enjoying this series half as much as I am, because this is bringing me so much joy. I love this freaking show, and finally contributing my voice to the fandom feels freaking amazing! Thanks for hanging around!</p><p>Kudos and comments brings air to my lungs and joy to my heart, but thanks for reading even if you don't leave those! ♥️</p><p>You can come shriek at me about multiple fandoms on tumblr @raincs and I hope you're being kind and taking care of yourself in these hard times. Did you take your meds today? 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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